Redirect energies to positive activities
BERNARD LAW CHER GUAN
I REFER to the news reports on a teenager who hurled vulgarities at his teacher
and how his mother helped him change by exposing him to temporary hardship at a construction work site, as well as the report on how an elderly couple were beaten up in a road rage incident.
The mother of the youth, Madam Lim Hoon Har, should be commended for acknowledging her son’s abusive behaviour towards his teacher.
The task of parenting must be understandably tough, as she juggles the multiple demands at work and at home.
While some may disagree with her choice of corrective action, most people, including me, would applaud her for having the courage to be decisive on reforming her son.
Given a choice, who would want to see his or her own child suffer? As for the road rage case, the bully should be brought to jus- tice to underscore the high pre- mium we place on safety on our roads and, more importantly, in the way we treat our elderly people.
Emotions drive our actions every day.
Our society must address how our youths and, in the road rage case, our adults, deal with their emotions, particularly those that are potentially abusive or even violent. If we fail to address this, these same youths could become the criminals of tomorrow.
The pace of our lifestyle has grown faster. We face many stressful and unpleasant encounters daily on the roads or at work.
More people are thus becoming more prone to venting their anger and anxiety and, as a result, we are more exposed to such feelings and actions. We may then mistake these emotions as “understandable” or, worse, acceptable ways to deal with negative emotions.
Furthermore, what is also true is that, in a group, emotions can be self-fulfilling, in that a more domineering member with the strongest emotion may influence the actions of the rest.
Madam Lim has rightly made the choice to help her son positive and productive activities. The ability to recognise and “de-escalate” the build-up of bad emotions is a learnable skill that can be acted upon.
As we invest in more obvious and measurable training programmes at our schools as well as at work, emotional intelligence is one aspect that we should also focus on.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Interview no-shows reflect larger social problem - Letter to ST Forum Online
Home > ST Forum > Online Story April 7, 2008
Interview no-shows reflect larger social problem
I READ with concern the report on candidates who are no-shows at scheduled interviews (my paper, March 31). At the risk of opening a can of worms, I suggest this is symptomatic of a larger problem in society today - a dire lack of empathy, or the ability of understand and share the feelings of others.
The flip side of this coin is the focus on oneself: 'What I do not feel, does no harm.' The result is ungracious behaviour that is unacceptable.
In the case of no-shows at interviews, it is a failure to appreciate the effort needed to make arrangements and so share the lousy feeling of being stood up. I am sure there are many possible reasons for no-shows, but none is acceptable. This blatant disregard for others' feelings is rude and irresponsible. All it takes is a phone call to apologise for being unable to make it - and being honest about the reason.
There are many examples of other un-empathetic behaviour: cutting onto others' path when walking and forcing them to stop in their tracks without the courtesy of an apology; speaking loudly into a mobile phone; watching while the auntie or uncle clears our littered table in the foodcourt; and walking into a lifts while someone holds it without a simple thank you.
It seems 'sorry' is not the only hardest word to say. 'Thank you', excuse me' and other basic social niceties have also made the list.
What is scary is that this disregard for others' efforts and feelings may become the norm as this behaviour is self-fulfilling. 'If others do it, so can I.' This is a sure formula for disaster in social interactions. Another perception contributing to this behaviour is a misplaced sense of entitlement - the 'me syndrome'. Unfortunately, we do not live in a vacuum - we are part and parcel of the social system.
I suggest we do a check among our immediate family members and close friends - do we say thank you when something is done for us? Do children thank their parents when they clean for them or serve them food? Do we make it a point that they do? Do we apologise when we make mistakes?
Some may feel it is odd that people who are close and dear should expect such niceties. But it is essential if we are to develop into a civic and gracious society. If we cannot do this even with those who are closest to us, how can we do it with total strangers?
When we are gracious and show gratitude - in small and, to many, innocuous ways - it is often reciprocated. Even when it is not, it is not a good reason to be otherwise as this is good for our physical and mental well-being too. Research has shown that people with positive emotions enjoy better health, and are generally happier too.
It really takes very little effort to be pleasant. Being in a hurried fast-paced society is no excuse to be otherwise.
Bernard Law Cher Guan
Interview no-shows reflect larger social problem
I READ with concern the report on candidates who are no-shows at scheduled interviews (my paper, March 31). At the risk of opening a can of worms, I suggest this is symptomatic of a larger problem in society today - a dire lack of empathy, or the ability of understand and share the feelings of others.
The flip side of this coin is the focus on oneself: 'What I do not feel, does no harm.' The result is ungracious behaviour that is unacceptable.
In the case of no-shows at interviews, it is a failure to appreciate the effort needed to make arrangements and so share the lousy feeling of being stood up. I am sure there are many possible reasons for no-shows, but none is acceptable. This blatant disregard for others' feelings is rude and irresponsible. All it takes is a phone call to apologise for being unable to make it - and being honest about the reason.
There are many examples of other un-empathetic behaviour: cutting onto others' path when walking and forcing them to stop in their tracks without the courtesy of an apology; speaking loudly into a mobile phone; watching while the auntie or uncle clears our littered table in the foodcourt; and walking into a lifts while someone holds it without a simple thank you.
It seems 'sorry' is not the only hardest word to say. 'Thank you', excuse me' and other basic social niceties have also made the list.
What is scary is that this disregard for others' efforts and feelings may become the norm as this behaviour is self-fulfilling. 'If others do it, so can I.' This is a sure formula for disaster in social interactions. Another perception contributing to this behaviour is a misplaced sense of entitlement - the 'me syndrome'. Unfortunately, we do not live in a vacuum - we are part and parcel of the social system.
I suggest we do a check among our immediate family members and close friends - do we say thank you when something is done for us? Do children thank their parents when they clean for them or serve them food? Do we make it a point that they do? Do we apologise when we make mistakes?
Some may feel it is odd that people who are close and dear should expect such niceties. But it is essential if we are to develop into a civic and gracious society. If we cannot do this even with those who are closest to us, how can we do it with total strangers?
When we are gracious and show gratitude - in small and, to many, innocuous ways - it is often reciprocated. Even when it is not, it is not a good reason to be otherwise as this is good for our physical and mental well-being too. Research has shown that people with positive emotions enjoy better health, and are generally happier too.
It really takes very little effort to be pleasant. Being in a hurried fast-paced society is no excuse to be otherwise.
Bernard Law Cher Guan
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