EQ is a fascinating subject. It gained widespread interest with the publication of Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” in 1996.
We now hear people at work or in social settings making references to EQ in various ways. Those who come across as abrupt, brushy or downright rude might be described as ‘lacking in EQ’, ‘have low or no EQ’, or ‘display EQ problems’. Conversely, those who are friendlier and get along well with others are called people ‘with high EQ’ or ‘good EQ’
Some people we encounter seemed to be able to get things done much faster and easier. They are friendlier or ‘popular’ with their co-workers or friends and are more confident. On the other hand, we come across others who are ‘offensive’ in their remarks or mannerisms. They may be highly competent in their jobs in the technical sense but display poor ‘people skills’.
However, EQ is more than just being nice. High or good EQ behaviors include a strong sense of self particularly in terms of emotions, high recovery skills in the face of setbacks or challenges, strong empathy as well as listening skills, a including approach in relationships and situations. Low EQ behaviors on the other hand are the opposite – talking rather than listening, blaming and judgmental attitudes amongst others.
EQ is also not being emotional. The fact that one cry easily while watching sad movies or lets fly in rages of anger at the slightest provocation does not mean its good EQ. EQ does not equal personality and it is definitely not the opposite of IQ.
What then is EQ? I have been asked this question more frequently since embarking on a career in EQ training, coaching and consultancy. In fact, many have asked about EQ in relation to businesses, leadership, sales & marketing and even family.
EQ is an essential part of our daily lives. We are humans and emotions drive our actions everyday. EQ is about using the information or data behind our emotions to help us in our thinking. This is the simplest manner to view the subject. The purpose of EQ is to make better decisions and have more productive relationships with people around us.
Emotions as we know are just the forms or outcomes of incidents, if you may. Behind these forms are ‘messages’ or cues – the reasons why we feel the way we do. We are happy when we are praised, gained something, or feel loved or respected. Sadness is often a result of our losing something or being hurt. Similarly, we fear when we sense possible threats to our physical or mental well-being.
EQ is therefore about understanding the causes of these emotions and using this information to help us in our thinking before deciding on an appropriate course of action. I use the term – emotion-aided thinking to describe this.
The key point of EQ training or coaching is to recognize that extremes in emotions can be negative or counter-productive. Yes, even so called negative emotions can be ‘useful’ in some situations. Jealousy in the right amount can be helpful to a healthy relationship. Fear or anxiety makes us more alert to the dangers around us. In the same vein, if we over-rejoice, we can lose our ‘guard’ and be vulnerable.
EQ core competencies can be categorized in three realms. Self – skills include strong sense of self and understanding what our emotions are and how to describe them. Many of us can react when we are angry, we say unpleasant things. We cry or sulk when we are sad or upset. But emotions are not static – they vary in intensity and evolve over time. There are many shades of emotions so that the vocabularies of our emotions are equally varied. In order to understand, we must be able to describe. That is the purpose of emotional literacy.
The next skill is recognizing our emotional patterns. At the most basic level, we survive by habits. In the face of danger, we survive by adopting three general stances, fight, flight or freeze. This auto-pilot behavior however also plays out in our modern settings. We develop emotional habits that react when we receive external stimuli. However, modern settings do not always need instinctive survival reactions. Sure, when a heavy object is hurled towards us, we have to duck to survive but this is really not an everyday occurrence, at least not to everyone!
The skill of recognizing patterns is important to gain an understanding of how we typically react in everyday situations.
Emotional outbursts can be regarded as an act of hijack when thinking is cut off from the feeling part of the mind. The amygdala, an almond-shaped mass of grey matter in our brain is associated with feelings of fear or aggression and is important for our visual learning or memory. Emotional outbursts are referred to as an amygdala hijack.
The second realm of EQ competencies is in relation to others. Others – skills include making the right emotional choices, demonstrating optimism, understanding the consequences of our emotional reactions, and aligning our internal motivators with our actions.
The third part of EQ competencies is in relation to our larger environment. These are developing empathetic behaviors such as listening skills and establishing noble goals.
EQ training and facilitation involves understanding and experiencing the core skills or competencies. It also provides many opportunities to practice these EQ competencies and most important of all, relate them to one’s work or family situations.
Years of research and studies have shown that EQ is in fact learnable and actionable. Optimism is a skill that is learnable. Optimistic people are more motivated, happier, enjoy better physical and mental health and are therefore also more successful. Conversely, those who are chronically depressed or sad are more likely to fall sick.
EQ intervention has also proven to be useful for staff motivation and reducing turnover. The US Airforce spent less than US$10,000 in EQ competence testing that resulted in savings of more than US$2.7million in recruitment costs. A fast food chain in UK revealed in their studies that outlets with high EQ managers enjoyed lower staff turnover, greater customer satisfaction and higher profitability.
A financial institution in the US conducted EQ competence training amongst its advisors. Those who underwent the training enjoyed high business volume and significant sales performance. EQ training is now a standard curriculum for new recruits.
In a separate study, it was shown that strong social and emotional abilities were 4 times more important than IQ in determining success and prestige at work.
EQ intervention or training is vital for the longer term survival of enterprises as well as for productive and healthy relationships amongst family and friends as well as loved ones. The payout of a good EQ training program will far outweigh the costs in its investment.
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