Dangers of promoting a Culture of Envy

I spent more than 8 years with a local media company.  I have also witnessed the impact of social media and the good as well as the bad it brings to our society.  Media,  particularly the mass platforms will continue to be a potent influence on the minds as well as the behavior of society. 

It influences opinions and shapes the values that our young will grow up with.

I am concerned about the angle that reports in our mainstream media are taking.  These are becoming very muddled between celebrating success and grovelling the haves of individuals.  Success stories are important to motivate readers/viewers to aim higher in their lives and work towards their goals.  But these stories must surely involve how the successes were achieved - EFFORTS and REWARDS must surely go hand-in-hand !

Yes, there are people who are just plain lucky - or even fortunate to get the help and enjoy the generosity of others - then we must promote the values of help and compassion.  

I have read and now stopped doing so altogether - the money page of Sunday Times that interviews individuals on how they manage their funds.  It almost always concludes with where you live (answer - a condominium or two-storey semi-D etc), what is your best investment (answer - I invested in something and now the value has tripled etc). 

The reports on the Ferrari accident that involved a taxi driver and a motorcyclist again contained information that I feel is really irrelevant and unhelpful to this atmosphere of unhappiness with foreigners.  The driver of the Ferrari was a young China financial consultant who (bought a $820,000 private house in the east), and had just bought the sports car worth $xxx, 000). 

I do not see the relevance of such details to the accident report.  Yes, it sells newspapers but surely there are cheaper (pun intended) platform to report them.  We should be doing the humanistic reporting - how is the injured, how are their families coping, how can the compassionate individuals go about offering help.  Of course, these reports have subsequently been made on the taxi-driver and his young kids. 

Is gutter reporting a way of our lives now?

 

'Maid' to do EVERYTHING...

I was having dinner at a restaurant in the Triple One building on Saturday. It has a full view of Orchard Boulevard Road. I noticed an MPV parked alongside Paterson Road with 2 domestic helpers almost struggling to help an elderly man onto his wheelchair. The driver, a big man of about 1.9m was standing on the side barking orders at the two petite helpers.  Another vehicle with a family was parked behind and from the flurry of activities, I can only deduce that the driver is a family member.  

 My reaction was one of disappointment that a huge effort by two female helpers could have been an act of filial duty that would have also been easily carried out by this able-bodied male family member.  This could have been done as a matter of practical need as the the elderly could have fallen from the car. I think even a concierge or valet of a building would have felt this act of compassion. A separate incident - this time involving a young mother in her early 30s at Parkway Parade.  She was with her three kids.

Except for the toddler carried by her helper, the other two are quite big waking on their own. The helper was walking behind with both the toddler in arm and a big bag. She kept having to adjust as the total weight must have been a real strain on her small frame.  Certainly the Ma'am could have 'helped' the helper instead of risking her tripped over with her kid?   To be fair, I do not pretend to know the dynamics of these families.

However, I think the behavior of the employers touch on human decency or rather, lack of.   I agree that we need to seriously look at how we treat our domestic helpers - and this must go beyond not calling them maids - I am more concerned that we have become a society that is over-reliant on them for even the most basic of chores.

The longer term implication of this mentality is what this signals to our young and how they will treat others in turn.

Turning 50…at 45..

This post is inspired by the feature special in the Straits Times on Saturday 12 May 12, 2012 on Turning 50 and why as well as how many left their senior corporate jobs to seek out less financially rewarding but more enriching work.  I took that left turn at 45 in 2007 – hence, the title.   

 I took my first trip to Los Angeles and San Francisco in 2006.  It was a spur of the moment decision.  There was no itinerary and not pre-planned.  The idea was to fly over and catch up with a friend and take a road trip between the two cities.

I was also at a crossroad – I was 44 and had been reflecting on what the future held for me at my job.  I was a Chief Operating Officer/Director of Sales & Marketing in a local media company.  By all accounts, it was a good job – I had a marina bay view office, a secretary with a team of almost 40 staff.  There was no ‘push’ factor in corporate speak – reasons to leave.  I had the trappings of the senior management job – invitations to social events, reasonably good pay and a highly motivated team of colleagues who made my work sufficiently challenging.  There was nevertheless still a longing – and a terrible fear that I might actually ‘retire’ in this job.

Of course, there was no ‘pull factor either – the options for new careers at my age were very limited too.

The trip to the States was a ‘time-out’ in that sense. 

I made plans to visit with members of Soka Gakkai in the USA and to see the centers of activities too.  Events overtook my plans – the road trip with the friend did not take place as he had jet lag and some family matters to resolve.  I then decided to go for a train ride on my own from LA to SF instead.  While the trip was quite eventful, I shall leave that to another post J. 

During the 6-hour train ride, I had much time in my hands to really reflect on my job situation and life in general.  I worked out a personal SWOT (Strength-Weakness-Opportunity-Threat) analysis.  I was very candid with myself on what I was good and bad at.  I also thought about what options were available if I decided that I do not wish to continue working at my job.

The exercise was cathartic – I came out of it with a renewed sense of self-confidence regarding my options. 

I then developed a 1-year timeline to realize my plans. 

The biggest hurdle was getting out of my comfort (and frankly very cozy too) zone.  I had to engage in visualizations of how life would be without the job, the designation, and of course the financial means.  In the words of a good friend I consulted who also left his high paying job – Peter Chow (father of Jason Chow, an ex colleague from my radio station days) – when you go to the ATM and punched in your pin number on your ‘payday’ and see that there is no new cash balance – that is the wake up call.  It might sound animated now – but that experience was quite scary. 

There are some concrete steps to take preceding the plunge.  I have organized them below so it is easier for readers.  I am single and therefore the dynamics involved might be simpler.  However, those with family might find the process equally helpful in bonding with loved ones J

(a)            Do a critical review of your budget – what you owe and own.  Decide if what you owe is important – can they be disposed so you really cut down on your financial commitments – an obvious example would be a car. 

(b)            Identify the ‘must-haves’ – do you have the means to maintain – for example, the house – what options what do you have in respect of that – a re-mortgage? 

(c)              Make sure all the insurance needs – particularly medical/healthcare as well as protection cover are paid and in force – this is a ‘must-have’ and is important to maintain.  It provides a much needed sense of assurance to not only yourself but your loved ones too.

(d)             Keep the lines of finance alive – credit cards with the credit line or financing options – but, and this is a BIG BUT – only if you have the discipline to not activate them at the slightest impulse.  :p  This is an advice from another friend, Howard who himself left his corporate job. 

(e)             Once the SWOT has been done, you would have a sense of what work options are there.  For me, it was teaching, mentoring, coaching or consultancy work.  I did not yet have specific job in mind but it provided a direction.  Though I had much corporate experience, I felt I needed a competency – skills or technical knowledge that would frame the wealth of corporate experience – so that they can be brought to the new work.

            I found the 6-Seconds Emotional Intelligence certification as an Associate Trainer and Executive Coach and enrolled.  I did not want to go for the ‘commercially’ popular courses – I chose the EQ courses because I agreed with the values that they promoted and could see the practical aspects of the various skills that I was taught.

In 2007, I tendered my resignation.  My parents were very concerned and so were family members.  I assured them that my financials were stable.  I had bought much protection insurance over the years – and some had matured with positive values.  I also had a private property, which was leased out. 

Since then, I had conducted EQ courses for corporations in cities such as Hanoi, Jakarta and locally.  I also found part-time teaching assignments with NUS and UniSim. 

As I will literally turn 50 this year, I am happy with how my decision to leave full-time corporate work has worked out.  I assure you that there were many moments of anxiety and even fear about what the future holds - but I agree fully with the comment made by one of those featured in the article -"we can live with less money but not less time"

 I find much time to do the things I enjoy – and most of all spend time with family members particularly with my parents and siblings as well as good friends too.  Contrary to what many people think - I do have things to look forward to - everyday.  :-)

(Note - I will be happy to help anyone who is at this similar crossroad - a chat, or even an actual coaching session - gratis :p)

Current Affairs Group (CAG)/Policy Gaming in SAFRA

When I joined SAFRA in May 1987, I was assigned to be the Programme Executive of the Current Affairs Group or CAG.  The Chairman was Wee Leong How.  He was also the Management Committee member who interviewed me for the job.  He was my first contact with volunteers in SAFRA.  His predecessor was the late Colonel (Volunteer) Richard Hin Yung.  Richard was volunteer not only in SAFRA but also with the SAF.

My task in CAG was to organize activities that would engage reservists in current affairs.  We did this through organizing talks and events.  I remember inviting eminent speakers in their respective fields including Dr Retnam (a specialist in STD who worked at the Middle Road skin clinic) who spoke on the AIDs epidermic; Dr Bilveer Singh who spoke on the topic 'Singapore's Threat Perception'.

The most memorable talk that I organized for CAG was 'Singapore - Then and Now' by the late Dr David Marshall, Singapore's first Chief Minister who was then Ambassador to France. 

It was held at the Tampines auditorium to full capacity 

 I still remember using the telex machine in our general office to type the invitation to Dr Marshall who was based in Paris.  This was done during one of the weekends - and when I saw his reply on the following Monday, I was very excited and happy.  He replied that he was happy to speak to our members as he was returning to celebrate his 80th Birthday.

We had Dr Kwa Chong Guan who was then Director of Museum to chair the talk.  I remember the lunch we hosted for Dr Marshall who chose the Japanese restaurant in the Shangri-la Hotel.  The lunch was to brief him on CAG and SAFRA.

Dr Marshall was very sprite and lucid for his age - he mentioned about failing eyesight (which was why he had 'readers' at the embassy to literally read the newspapers and documents to him.  He had carried a voice recorder to remind himself of tasks.  In fact, while we were eating, he recorded some instructions that he said was to be handed to his secretaries.

There were some tense moments during his talk though.  A member of the audience was visibly worked up when he commented that Dr Marshall had abandoned the opposition when he gave up politics.  Dr Marshall was really in his element - he was very composed and calmly replied that politics required a certain ruthlessness that he felt he did not have.  He of course quoted Margaret Thatcher that to be in politics, one must be prepared to take the proverbial bullet.  

One of the themes of his talk was that we should as a society reflect if we work to live or live to work.  Somehow, this sound very relevant today. 

CAG was to progress into another major project in SAFRA - Policy-gaming.  It was an idea we felt would involve reservists more in the policy thinking and making processes.  Three were organized with teams of reservists forming cabinets of ministers.  We were fortunate to obtain the help and resource from the various government ministries to provide data as well as guidance.

The three topics that the shadow cabinets deliberated were:

(a) Emigration - Problems & Solutions
(b) Singapore's Economic And Security Policies & Role of ASEAN in the post-Cambodia period
(c) Prevention of Traffic Congestion in Singapore

I was reminded that the idea of COE (though at that point it was not named this way) was first floated by the teams of policy-gaming.  If the source was correct, then the impact of a simple game by a group of volunteers had certainly left its mark for so many years since the implementation of COE in Singapore's transport system.

More Babies ?

During my recent trip to Europe, I noticed how young couples have kids in tow at many of the public places of interest.  I am particularly impressed by the young fathers who were spending quality time with their kids alone. 

I think if we want our fertility rate to rise, we need to do the following :

(a) redefine 'success' - stop this over-worshiping of materialism - and you see that in the main media - this almost grovelling reports of how the rich live their lives etc.  Cut our young mothers and fathers some serious slack - let them enjoy marriage and families.  Give them a reason and cause to start families of their own without having to worry about the high costs and pressures of raising children. 

(b) create spaces - for families to enjoy quality time - open spaces that is not about the stresses of rush and shove of shopping malls - even our restaurants can be very highly stressed places to spend time with families.

(c) allow for 'alternative families' - this is a highly controversial subject - I think there are many single women or men who do have maternal/paternal instincts - but not the temperament for marriage.  It sounds like an oxymoron - but I feel it is true.  Allow them to adopt - by all means put in very stringent checks and criteria - but kids brought up by single parents who shower them with love can grow up to be highly adjusted members of society.  I am sure family members of these single parents are equally important support network for them too.  I have come across many adoptive families that provided even more than couple ones.  I also know of single women who have adopted kids and raised them very well.  I think we can definitely allow more.

My two cents...

Experiences of fellow Buddhists...

I came across this website which is a treasure trove of some of the most amazing experiences of fellow members of Soka Gakkai - a Global Buddhist movement based on the teachings of Nichiren Daishonin of The Lotus Sutra. Enjoy ! http://www.gakkaionline.net/Experiences/Mail.html