I once posted a greeting card I received from an ex-colleague, Mdm Goh. I worked with her during my tenure as the Manager of the SAFRA Clubhouse. Mdm Goh (Janet) was a receptionist we recruited when the clubhouse renovated and we needed to beef up the staffing at the front desk.
Janet was given a golden handshake after 25 years with MayBank. She was only 48yo when she joined us at SAFRA. I found her to be very lively and a keen learner even at her age. She is married to the same man for 32 years and they never had any children.
After I left SAFRA in 1991, Janet had been sending me yearly greeting cards. In those cards, she would write quite lengthily of how she was grateful for the years of working with SAFRA and the opportunity we had given her. She would often shower my family and me with blessings from God. She is a devout Christian and knows I am a practicing Buddhist. It is always very heart warming to receive her cards.
On 19 May 2013, I received an SMS from Janet :-
"blessings 2 u bernard i just want 2 tell u my husband passed away on O2
may. it was a sudden death he fell down when the ambulance came he was
already in coma the doctor told me his brain vessel burst n also a clot
in the brain. the doctor says if he comes round he will b a vegetable.
bernard i have 2 learn n get used 2 staying alone. everynight before i
go 2 bed he wil make a drink 4 me now the drink maker is gone we go out
together quite often he told me now that we r retired we have alot of
time 2 spent together my constant companion is no more before they close
the coffin a final look at him i say my final sayonara 2 him. he is 78
years he is in Heaven."
I immediately returned her call - she was crying and repeated what she said in her SMS. I was overcame with emotion and held back my tears as I tried to comfort her. I told her that I would meet her soon to catch up.
When we caught up, we had a very good chat and caught up at her place near the Soka HQ. We had a good lunch after that and I took a walk with her near the coffeeshop. She was in a much better spirit and was her chatty self. She then told me that she wanted to make a passport as her late husband did not like traveling so her old one had expired. I offered to help her and we took a walk to the nearby photo studio to have one taken. Interestingly, the studio also had a copy of the application form from ICA.
After the visit, I came back and proceeded to mail the form for her. I promised that once ICA informed her that the passport was ready, I would accompany her to pick it up.
It felt good to be able to reconnect with her and do so many practical things for her. Janet is 73 yo this year. She is very healthy with no other known medical conditions. She has a voracious appetite too :p.
Last week, I brought Janet to collect her ready passport. Before that, we managed to make an appointment for the collection too or else it would have taken her more than 2 hours do so. We again went to Kallang Leisure Park for lunch. She told me that with the new passport, she would be traveling with her friends from church and her primary school :p Her niece would also be bringing her for trips too. I am very pleased to be of some help and comfort. I especially also enjoyed her regaling me stories of her childhood and 32 yo marriage to her late hubby. I am particularly comforted that she has many friends and loved ones who are looking out for her.
An old friend has started new connections.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Empathy and How It Works On My Noisy Neighbors
Recently, I encountered a problem with an upstairs neighbor. You see, over the almost 5 years living here, I never realized how noisy they have been. Perhaps with my flexible working arrangements, I stay at home a lot more.
There are two parts to the noise issue. Firstly, I believe they are operating some kind of repair business in their house. This means quite regular knocking and heavy movement of equipment throughout the day. Second, perhaps more tolerable and understandable, there are noises from their two young girls.
One day, my nephew was helping his exams when I decided to visit the neighbor to gently ask them to pipe down the first source of noise. The young man was nervous and came out of the house, presumably to prevent me from getting to near to the gate to see what was going on. I saw some window grille on the floor and another man peeping out to look at me as I spoke to the first man.
He got defensive and told me that even he had problems with noises from his upstairs neighbors. When I suggested that he might want to inform HDB about it, he told me in a brush, that perhaps that I should do that. I shook my head and left.
In the 5 years living here, we have been good neighbors. The patriarch was a friendly man who also engaged in nice banter whenever we met in the void deck. After he passed away, I had to engage the matriarch twice as there was water seepage from their toilets and kitchen that required repairs by HDB appointed contractors. Overall, I would rate the relations as cordial. I even explained to one of the sons and asked for his understanding regarding the repair to the ceiling which needed us both to share costs.
So how do I deal with the noises. I have decided to co-exist with it. I have spoken to the HDB officer in charge of our block - he had kindly offered to visit my neighbor but I told him to let me monitor the situation. My reasons are quite multifaceted. I do not wish to upset the dynamics of our neighborliness. The situation compared to those I read online is still manageable since I do not have noises into the unholy hours of the night or early morning. The main reason is the first source of noise originates from the young father who needs to support his family of two young toddlers.
I know it might sound holier than thou or even exceedingly altruistic. I really worked this last reason internally. I see the two young girls going to child care on occasional mornings and have seen the young man going out with his family. They are not malicious people. Just our heartland Singaporeans trying to make a living.
Some adjustments on my part however, have to be made to live with this new intrusion. I use a noise cancelling bluetooth headset to watch the TV. I also go out more to work or do my errands. Occasionally, I have had to put on my earplugs that block out both low frequency noises. Of course I listen to music on my computer if I need to work at home.
Friends have asked why I needed to compromise so much as it involves my home - my private sanctuary. I explained that it is really what comes with the territory - of communal living. Would I act on it ? Yes, eventually when the din becomes absolutely intolerable. For now, I want to take a higher moral ground. Hearing patter of the kids' feet when they return from child care in the afternoon is a sign of life, isn't it?
It helps that I am into gadgets :p. The noise cancelling headset is a great help that lets me enjoy movies and music even better. So is the expensive but highly effective ear plugs that work wonders.
There are two parts to the noise issue. Firstly, I believe they are operating some kind of repair business in their house. This means quite regular knocking and heavy movement of equipment throughout the day. Second, perhaps more tolerable and understandable, there are noises from their two young girls.
One day, my nephew was helping his exams when I decided to visit the neighbor to gently ask them to pipe down the first source of noise. The young man was nervous and came out of the house, presumably to prevent me from getting to near to the gate to see what was going on. I saw some window grille on the floor and another man peeping out to look at me as I spoke to the first man.
He got defensive and told me that even he had problems with noises from his upstairs neighbors. When I suggested that he might want to inform HDB about it, he told me in a brush, that perhaps that I should do that. I shook my head and left.
In the 5 years living here, we have been good neighbors. The patriarch was a friendly man who also engaged in nice banter whenever we met in the void deck. After he passed away, I had to engage the matriarch twice as there was water seepage from their toilets and kitchen that required repairs by HDB appointed contractors. Overall, I would rate the relations as cordial. I even explained to one of the sons and asked for his understanding regarding the repair to the ceiling which needed us both to share costs.
So how do I deal with the noises. I have decided to co-exist with it. I have spoken to the HDB officer in charge of our block - he had kindly offered to visit my neighbor but I told him to let me monitor the situation. My reasons are quite multifaceted. I do not wish to upset the dynamics of our neighborliness. The situation compared to those I read online is still manageable since I do not have noises into the unholy hours of the night or early morning. The main reason is the first source of noise originates from the young father who needs to support his family of two young toddlers.
I know it might sound holier than thou or even exceedingly altruistic. I really worked this last reason internally. I see the two young girls going to child care on occasional mornings and have seen the young man going out with his family. They are not malicious people. Just our heartland Singaporeans trying to make a living.
Some adjustments on my part however, have to be made to live with this new intrusion. I use a noise cancelling bluetooth headset to watch the TV. I also go out more to work or do my errands. Occasionally, I have had to put on my earplugs that block out both low frequency noises. Of course I listen to music on my computer if I need to work at home.
Friends have asked why I needed to compromise so much as it involves my home - my private sanctuary. I explained that it is really what comes with the territory - of communal living. Would I act on it ? Yes, eventually when the din becomes absolutely intolerable. For now, I want to take a higher moral ground. Hearing patter of the kids' feet when they return from child care in the afternoon is a sign of life, isn't it?
It helps that I am into gadgets :p. The noise cancelling headset is a great help that lets me enjoy movies and music even better. So is the expensive but highly effective ear plugs that work wonders.
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