Caring For Parents - It takes more than a maid - Straits Times 20 May 2010 Forum

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May 20, 2010

CARING FOR PARENTS

It takes more than a maid

IT IS true that - as yesterday's report, 'Who's really caring for Singapore's elderly?', suggested - maids have become a permanent fixture in families with elderly people.

But it is heartening to see children of the elderly accompanying them to medical appointments at hospitals and clinics. Many children of the elderly are baby boomers in their late 40s and early 50s. Most belong to the 'sandwich generation', where they have to care for their ageing parents while supporting their own children.

Maids play an important role in the larger scheme of elder care. They undertake many tasks that may be mundane, but are physically demanding.

My parents are in their 80s and I am their main caregiver. My siblings are very supportive through sharing in the financial needs of their care.

My siblings, who are older than me, also make deliberate and willing efforts to visit as well as spend time with them. For this, I am grateful and immensely appreciative.

We have the good fortune of having a father who helps out in caring for my mum.

We are also grateful in having Methi, our maid, who is now very much a part of our family. She is patient and meticulous. And she is good with my parents who find her pleasant and kind.�

While the physical support of looking after our elderly can be fulfilled by maids, the emotional as well as mental needs can never be relegated to them. This needs time and much effort.

The most basic daily interaction beyond the family gatherings during special occasions are critical to the well-being of our elderly.

Most often, what they need is a family member to chat with - and not feel neglected or abandoned.

I agree with Professor Brenda Yeoh's suggestion in yesterday's report ('Peg levy to maid's skill in elder care?') that more can be done to recognise the role of maids in caring for the elderly.

A more important dynamic in the new caregiving relationship between the elderly and maids is how we as family members treat our parents.

Maids will, like our children, take their cues from how we show respect and love towards our parents.�

Bernard Law

Salute to Mothers - 16 May 2010 - Original Draft

I am extremely touched by the stories of Mmes Tay Et and Lim Kwee Lan in the Sunday Times today.

I am sure there are many millions of Mothers around the world who toil selflessly everyday for their children and families. We should salute them, not just on Mothers' Day but everyday.

Both Mothers make great sacrifices on a daily basis, to preserve the dignity of their children in spite of the many practical constraints. They would rather celebrate life than lament its many imperfections. Their sense of gratitude humble us - they see the glass as half-full - comparing their sons' filial piety to those who might be able-bodied yet chose lesser manner to live their lives.

I am particularly moved by Mdm Tay's commitment to let Kevin live the fullest possible though his condition is deteriorating. In the face of the inevitable in our daily lives, many have shown lesser courage.

I wish both of them and their families - resilience to deal with the daily challenges. Both of them have taught us the most important lesson in life - to live and through others live even better. They must take great comfort that they have shown the highest sacrifice possible to another human.


Bernard C G Law