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May 20, 2010
CARING FOR PARENTS
It takes more than a maid
IT IS true that - as yesterday's report, 'Who's really caring for Singapore's elderly?', suggested - maids have become a permanent fixture in families with elderly people.
But it is heartening to see children of the elderly accompanying them to medical appointments at hospitals and clinics. Many children of the elderly are baby boomers in their late 40s and early 50s. Most belong to the 'sandwich generation', where they have to care for their ageing parents while supporting their own children.
Maids play an important role in the larger scheme of elder care. They undertake many tasks that may be mundane, but are physically demanding.
My parents are in their 80s and I am their main caregiver. My siblings are very supportive through sharing in the financial needs of their care.
My siblings, who are older than me, also make deliberate and willing efforts to visit as well as spend time with them. For this, I am grateful and immensely appreciative.
We have the good fortune of having a father who helps out in caring for my mum.
We are also grateful in having Methi, our maid, who is now very much a part of our family. She is patient and meticulous. And she is good with my parents who find her pleasant and kind.�
While the physical support of looking after our elderly can be fulfilled by maids, the emotional as well as mental needs can never be relegated to them. This needs time and much effort.
The most basic daily interaction beyond the family gatherings during special occasions are critical to the well-being of our elderly.
Most often, what they need is a family member to chat with - and not feel neglected or abandoned.
I agree with Professor Brenda Yeoh's suggestion in yesterday's report ('Peg levy to maid's skill in elder care?') that more can be done to recognise the role of maids in caring for the elderly.
A more important dynamic in the new caregiving relationship between the elderly and maids is how we as family members treat our parents.
Maids will, like our children, take their cues from how we show respect and love towards our parents.�
Bernard Law
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