Ideas for better aging....and a more gracious society...

Just returned from Katong 112 - the latest and supposedly hippest shopping mall that used to occupy old Katong Roxy mall.   I went there with Mum and our helper for lunch.  The mall is brand new - and many aspects are quite friendly.

Wheelchair-friendly toilets

There are toilets for wheelchair bound shoppers too.  The toilet on Level 4 near to the food court was locked when we wanted to use - and the cleaner had to be located to open it.  It is locked presumably to prevent abuse by other users, though it is really not necessary as the main toilets are ample.

My concern is, what if it is an 'emergency' ;p ?  The lift (there is only one) is quite a distance and the cleaner with the only key to open is not to be found anywhere near?  This is quite operational and unless one is in that situation, it might seemed nitpicking.  Anyway, it is something for mall/building owners to note and improve on.

Usage of elevator

The mall provides a nice travelator that brings those who park to level 1 and thereafter with escalators to all levels.  I notice that practically everyone uses the elevator - and because there is only one, those who need it - like Mum with her wheelchair as well as many elderly who are less mobile, or even parents with strollers end up having to wait even longer for the already slow transporter.

I think mall/building owners might want to consider putting up polite notices to 'remind' shoppers to give way to users who are more in need.  It is also useful to point shoppers to nearby too.  I saw some of the worst behavior just now - able bodied shoppers who squeezed and held back the elevators just to get in -  only to go one level up.  :(  This is something that happens to even our own HDB lifts but then its a different gripe :p

I think the small Ps and Rs have really been forgotten by building owners in their pursuit of huge and often wasteful big PR exercises.

MCYS has a campaign to promote family friendliness and there had been many ministerial level committees to look at making Singapore more elderly friendly.  Are we losing the trees for the forest?

Some ideas for better aging....

Dangers of promoting a Culture of Envy

I spent more than 8 years with a local media company.  I have also witnessed the impact of social media and the good as well as the bad it brings to our society.  Media,  particularly the mass platforms will continue to be a potent influence on the minds as well as the behavior of society. 

It influences opinions and shapes the values that our young will grow up with.

I am concerned about the angle that reports in our mainstream media are taking.  These are becoming very muddled between celebrating success and grovelling the haves of individuals.  Success stories are important to motivate readers/viewers to aim higher in their lives and work towards their goals.  But these stories must surely involve how the successes were achieved - EFFORTS and REWARDS must surely go hand-in-hand !

Yes, there are people who are just plain lucky - or even fortunate to get the help and enjoy the generosity of others - then we must promote the values of help and compassion.  

I have read and now stopped doing so altogether - the money page of Sunday Times that interviews individuals on how they manage their funds.  It almost always concludes with where you live (answer - a condominium or two-storey semi-D etc), what is your best investment (answer - I invested in something and now the value has tripled etc). 

The reports on the Ferrari accident that involved a taxi driver and a motorcyclist again contained information that I feel is really irrelevant and unhelpful to this atmosphere of unhappiness with foreigners.  The driver of the Ferrari was a young China financial consultant who (bought a $820,000 private house in the east), and had just bought the sports car worth $xxx, 000). 

I do not see the relevance of such details to the accident report.  Yes, it sells newspapers but surely there are cheaper (pun intended) platform to report them.  We should be doing the humanistic reporting - how is the injured, how are their families coping, how can the compassionate individuals go about offering help.  Of course, these reports have subsequently been made on the taxi-driver and his young kids. 

Is gutter reporting a way of our lives now?

 

'Maid' to do EVERYTHING...

I was having dinner at a restaurant in the Triple One building on Saturday. It has a full view of Orchard Boulevard Road. I noticed an MPV parked alongside Paterson Road with 2 domestic helpers almost struggling to help an elderly man onto his wheelchair. The driver, a big man of about 1.9m was standing on the side barking orders at the two petite helpers.  Another vehicle with a family was parked behind and from the flurry of activities, I can only deduce that the driver is a family member.  

 My reaction was one of disappointment that a huge effort by two female helpers could have been an act of filial duty that would have also been easily carried out by this able-bodied male family member.  This could have been done as a matter of practical need as the the elderly could have fallen from the car. I think even a concierge or valet of a building would have felt this act of compassion. A separate incident - this time involving a young mother in her early 30s at Parkway Parade.  She was with her three kids.

Except for the toddler carried by her helper, the other two are quite big waking on their own. The helper was walking behind with both the toddler in arm and a big bag. She kept having to adjust as the total weight must have been a real strain on her small frame.  Certainly the Ma'am could have 'helped' the helper instead of risking her tripped over with her kid?   To be fair, I do not pretend to know the dynamics of these families.

However, I think the behavior of the employers touch on human decency or rather, lack of.   I agree that we need to seriously look at how we treat our domestic helpers - and this must go beyond not calling them maids - I am more concerned that we have become a society that is over-reliant on them for even the most basic of chores.

The longer term implication of this mentality is what this signals to our young and how they will treat others in turn.

Turning 50…at 45..

This post is inspired by the feature special in the Straits Times on Saturday 12 May 12, 2012 on Turning 50 and why as well as how many left their senior corporate jobs to seek out less financially rewarding but more enriching work.  I took that left turn at 45 in 2007 – hence, the title.   

 I took my first trip to Los Angeles and San Francisco in 2006.  It was a spur of the moment decision.  There was no itinerary and not pre-planned.  The idea was to fly over and catch up with a friend and take a road trip between the two cities.

I was also at a crossroad – I was 44 and had been reflecting on what the future held for me at my job.  I was a Chief Operating Officer/Director of Sales & Marketing in a local media company.  By all accounts, it was a good job – I had a marina bay view office, a secretary with a team of almost 40 staff.  There was no ‘push’ factor in corporate speak – reasons to leave.  I had the trappings of the senior management job – invitations to social events, reasonably good pay and a highly motivated team of colleagues who made my work sufficiently challenging.  There was nevertheless still a longing – and a terrible fear that I might actually ‘retire’ in this job.

Of course, there was no ‘pull factor either – the options for new careers at my age were very limited too.

The trip to the States was a ‘time-out’ in that sense. 

I made plans to visit with members of Soka Gakkai in the USA and to see the centers of activities too.  Events overtook my plans – the road trip with the friend did not take place as he had jet lag and some family matters to resolve.  I then decided to go for a train ride on my own from LA to SF instead.  While the trip was quite eventful, I shall leave that to another post J. 

During the 6-hour train ride, I had much time in my hands to really reflect on my job situation and life in general.  I worked out a personal SWOT (Strength-Weakness-Opportunity-Threat) analysis.  I was very candid with myself on what I was good and bad at.  I also thought about what options were available if I decided that I do not wish to continue working at my job.

The exercise was cathartic – I came out of it with a renewed sense of self-confidence regarding my options. 

I then developed a 1-year timeline to realize my plans. 

The biggest hurdle was getting out of my comfort (and frankly very cozy too) zone.  I had to engage in visualizations of how life would be without the job, the designation, and of course the financial means.  In the words of a good friend I consulted who also left his high paying job – Peter Chow (father of Jason Chow, an ex colleague from my radio station days) – when you go to the ATM and punched in your pin number on your ‘payday’ and see that there is no new cash balance – that is the wake up call.  It might sound animated now – but that experience was quite scary. 

There are some concrete steps to take preceding the plunge.  I have organized them below so it is easier for readers.  I am single and therefore the dynamics involved might be simpler.  However, those with family might find the process equally helpful in bonding with loved ones J

(a)            Do a critical review of your budget – what you owe and own.  Decide if what you owe is important – can they be disposed so you really cut down on your financial commitments – an obvious example would be a car. 

(b)            Identify the ‘must-haves’ – do you have the means to maintain – for example, the house – what options what do you have in respect of that – a re-mortgage? 

(c)              Make sure all the insurance needs – particularly medical/healthcare as well as protection cover are paid and in force – this is a ‘must-have’ and is important to maintain.  It provides a much needed sense of assurance to not only yourself but your loved ones too.

(d)             Keep the lines of finance alive – credit cards with the credit line or financing options – but, and this is a BIG BUT – only if you have the discipline to not activate them at the slightest impulse.  :p  This is an advice from another friend, Howard who himself left his corporate job. 

(e)             Once the SWOT has been done, you would have a sense of what work options are there.  For me, it was teaching, mentoring, coaching or consultancy work.  I did not yet have specific job in mind but it provided a direction.  Though I had much corporate experience, I felt I needed a competency – skills or technical knowledge that would frame the wealth of corporate experience – so that they can be brought to the new work.

            I found the 6-Seconds Emotional Intelligence certification as an Associate Trainer and Executive Coach and enrolled.  I did not want to go for the ‘commercially’ popular courses – I chose the EQ courses because I agreed with the values that they promoted and could see the practical aspects of the various skills that I was taught.

In 2007, I tendered my resignation.  My parents were very concerned and so were family members.  I assured them that my financials were stable.  I had bought much protection insurance over the years – and some had matured with positive values.  I also had a private property, which was leased out. 

Since then, I had conducted EQ courses for corporations in cities such as Hanoi, Jakarta and locally.  I also found part-time teaching assignments with NUS and UniSim. 

As I will literally turn 50 this year, I am happy with how my decision to leave full-time corporate work has worked out.  I assure you that there were many moments of anxiety and even fear about what the future holds - but I agree fully with the comment made by one of those featured in the article -"we can live with less money but not less time"

 I find much time to do the things I enjoy – and most of all spend time with family members particularly with my parents and siblings as well as good friends too.  Contrary to what many people think - I do have things to look forward to - everyday.  :-)

(Note - I will be happy to help anyone who is at this similar crossroad - a chat, or even an actual coaching session - gratis :p)

Current Affairs Group (CAG)/Policy Gaming in SAFRA

When I joined SAFRA in May 1987, I was assigned to be the Programme Executive of the Current Affairs Group or CAG.  The Chairman was Wee Leong How.  He was also the Management Committee member who interviewed me for the job.  He was my first contact with volunteers in SAFRA.  His predecessor was the late Colonel (Volunteer) Richard Hin Yung.  Richard was volunteer not only in SAFRA but also with the SAF.

My task in CAG was to organize activities that would engage reservists in current affairs.  We did this through organizing talks and events.  I remember inviting eminent speakers in their respective fields including Dr Retnam (a specialist in STD who worked at the Middle Road skin clinic) who spoke on the AIDs epidermic; Dr Bilveer Singh who spoke on the topic 'Singapore's Threat Perception'.

The most memorable talk that I organized for CAG was 'Singapore - Then and Now' by the late Dr David Marshall, Singapore's first Chief Minister who was then Ambassador to France. 

It was held at the Tampines auditorium to full capacity 

 I still remember using the telex machine in our general office to type the invitation to Dr Marshall who was based in Paris.  This was done during one of the weekends - and when I saw his reply on the following Monday, I was very excited and happy.  He replied that he was happy to speak to our members as he was returning to celebrate his 80th Birthday.

We had Dr Kwa Chong Guan who was then Director of Museum to chair the talk.  I remember the lunch we hosted for Dr Marshall who chose the Japanese restaurant in the Shangri-la Hotel.  The lunch was to brief him on CAG and SAFRA.

Dr Marshall was very sprite and lucid for his age - he mentioned about failing eyesight (which was why he had 'readers' at the embassy to literally read the newspapers and documents to him.  He had carried a voice recorder to remind himself of tasks.  In fact, while we were eating, he recorded some instructions that he said was to be handed to his secretaries.

There were some tense moments during his talk though.  A member of the audience was visibly worked up when he commented that Dr Marshall had abandoned the opposition when he gave up politics.  Dr Marshall was really in his element - he was very composed and calmly replied that politics required a certain ruthlessness that he felt he did not have.  He of course quoted Margaret Thatcher that to be in politics, one must be prepared to take the proverbial bullet.  

One of the themes of his talk was that we should as a society reflect if we work to live or live to work.  Somehow, this sound very relevant today. 

CAG was to progress into another major project in SAFRA - Policy-gaming.  It was an idea we felt would involve reservists more in the policy thinking and making processes.  Three were organized with teams of reservists forming cabinets of ministers.  We were fortunate to obtain the help and resource from the various government ministries to provide data as well as guidance.

The three topics that the shadow cabinets deliberated were:

(a) Emigration - Problems & Solutions
(b) Singapore's Economic And Security Policies & Role of ASEAN in the post-Cambodia period
(c) Prevention of Traffic Congestion in Singapore

I was reminded that the idea of COE (though at that point it was not named this way) was first floated by the teams of policy-gaming.  If the source was correct, then the impact of a simple game by a group of volunteers had certainly left its mark for so many years since the implementation of COE in Singapore's transport system.

More Babies ?

During my recent trip to Europe, I noticed how young couples have kids in tow at many of the public places of interest.  I am particularly impressed by the young fathers who were spending quality time with their kids alone. 

I think if we want our fertility rate to rise, we need to do the following :

(a) redefine 'success' - stop this over-worshiping of materialism - and you see that in the main media - this almost grovelling reports of how the rich live their lives etc.  Cut our young mothers and fathers some serious slack - let them enjoy marriage and families.  Give them a reason and cause to start families of their own without having to worry about the high costs and pressures of raising children. 

(b) create spaces - for families to enjoy quality time - open spaces that is not about the stresses of rush and shove of shopping malls - even our restaurants can be very highly stressed places to spend time with families.

(c) allow for 'alternative families' - this is a highly controversial subject - I think there are many single women or men who do have maternal/paternal instincts - but not the temperament for marriage.  It sounds like an oxymoron - but I feel it is true.  Allow them to adopt - by all means put in very stringent checks and criteria - but kids brought up by single parents who shower them with love can grow up to be highly adjusted members of society.  I am sure family members of these single parents are equally important support network for them too.  I have come across many adoptive families that provided even more than couple ones.  I also know of single women who have adopted kids and raised them very well.  I think we can definitely allow more.

My two cents...

Experiences of fellow Buddhists...

I came across this website which is a treasure trove of some of the most amazing experiences of fellow members of Soka Gakkai - a Global Buddhist movement based on the teachings of Nichiren Daishonin of The Lotus Sutra. Enjoy ! http://www.gakkaionline.net/Experiences/Mail.html

Wheelchair for Mum - some practical considerations

Almost 3 years ago, we bought a 'pusher' wheelchair for Mum.  She was 80yo and had a couple of falls but luckily they were not serious ones.  Of course, at the point, we also noticed her movement was slowing too.  Mum has always been perceptive - when I first broached the idea of buying her a wheelchair, she refused.  For good reason too, I might add as she treasures her 'independence' above all else.

To be wheeled around signals to many of our older folks something sinister.  It took us a while but she finally came round to it.  She was also afraid that she might become dependent on the wheelchair too. 

We assured her that it would be used  to travel long distances - to minimize the discomfort or aches to her legs.  A perhaps equally practical consideration was to help us move her faster as we still want to bring her for regular outings.  Mum still walks on her own with the walker in the house and for shorter distances- the four legged one that stabilizes her gait.  She gets her leg massages every night too.  

When I visited the store to look for the wheelchair, I saw the variety available.  We bought her a 'pusher' - compact with smaller wheels - weighing 10 kilograms priced at $299.  Pushers are meant to be for, literally pushing - the wheels are smaller and they come with handbrakes and wheel lockers.  It has helped us very much.  Most important, we could bring her out for meals and functions or just outings.

Recently, I found that she has outgrown the pusher - literally as Mum is quite heavy-set.  She complained that the chair feels cramped and uncomfortable to sit for long.  She also almost had another fall when she tried to get up to walk.  So we 'upgraded' her to a proper wheelchair.  This one can be self-wheeling since the wheels are bigger and come with handle wheels.  I tried it around the shop - and felt it would be better for her too.  Our helper also finds it lighter to handle and she is not so afraid of uneven ground as this is more stable.  Price - S$370 before the 10% discount.  It is aluminium and indeed feels lighter though it is heavier at 12.5kg.  

To help her move in and out of the house, we bought a ramp price S$80/- - they have EVERYTHING nowadays.  You need to only search (google) on the internet.  The ramp is made of wood with 2 inch height and a natural slope to allow for ease of wheeling.  Huat also installed more handle bars near the toilets so she can steady her walk when she needs to use them.  

We all feel good when we can help her live a quality of life that she can enjoy and we can afford too.  Sharing this episode about wheelchair purchase is hopefully useful for those who need to do the same for their elderly relatives too.  Let me know if you want to find out more.    

   

Testimonies of Buddhist Practice - Perspective of a youth

WHAT GOES INTO BEING A BUDDHIST?
BY SAMANTHA LEIGH
LAUDERDALE LAKES, FLA.



Title: What Goes Into Being a Buddhist
Source: World Tribune 11/25/05 n.3579 p.7 Lauderdale Lakes, Fla.
Author: Leigh
Keywords: [WT051125P07A] [E] [WT] [05] challenge action effort goes being buddhist lauderdale lake


When I first met my friends who practice Nichiren Buddhism, we were at square one trying to establish ourselves as young professionals in the fields of broadcasting, communications and entertainment. We studied Buddhism, participated in SGI-USA activities andchanted Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, but so much more goes into being a Buddhist.

Being a spiritually-centered 20-something in a high-tech, over-glamorized culture is difficult. And
it’s a challenge to continually apply Nichiren Buddhism to all aspects of life.

One day, a friend explained to me the importance of being a Buddhist not just in name
but also in thought, word and action. She mentioned that the greatest proof of the power
of Nichiren Buddhism already resides within our lives. The way we live, she said, will
inspire others to inquire about our practice without having to tell them about it.

After talking with her, I made sure I didn’t just gloss over study materials, challenging
myself instead to absorb and apply what I read. I began chanting more for others and supporting SGI-USA activities behind the scenes. I developed a deep appreciation for life and found myself complaining less.

I transformed many aspects of my life, but true proof of my growth became apparent at
my job at a local TV news station. TV news is fast-paced, highly stressful and when a story
breaks, you have to be ready. At those heightened moments, coworkers are not too friendly. When pandemonium ensues, while most are scurrying around frantically, I calmly
make sure everything in my department is where it needs to be.

My boss knows I’m Buddhist, but rarely do I speak about it at work. Recently, she said
to me, “Maybe I need to chant, because I’m not at peace like you are.” I smiled and told
her I would bring some information for her. But inside, I was jumping for joy. My behavior proved to be a great example of Nichiren Buddhism.

Later that evening, I had dinner at my friends’ new condominium. As the night went on,
everyone shared stories of how their lives and careers had been progressing. We had all set
out on our own journey as Buddhists, as budding professionals in our chosen field. Hearing
about their victories made me smile as I realized how far we’d come after nearly four years.
Though we still have a long way to go, it touched my heart to know that we have a strong
foundation of faith that will propel us forward in creating dynamic lives. This foundation of
faith will not only benefit us, it will help us influence others in a positive way.

SGI President Ikeda has said: “There is surely no more exhilarating a life than one in
which we write our own unique history of human revolution each day. And the growth and
transformation we achieve in this way can convince people of the greatness of Nichiren
Buddhism more eloquently than anything else” (For Today & Tomorrow, p. 310).
My friends and I are challenging ourselves every day to apply the philosophy and principles of Nichiren Buddhism in our lives. And our seniors in faith exemplify what our lives can be like when we train ourselves to, as Nichiren writes, “Employ the strategy of the Lotus Sutra before any other” (The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, pp. 1000–01).

The “Voices of Youth” column features articles written by members of the Young Writers
Group, which was established in August. In this column, the YWG members share their
insights into applying Nichiren Buddhism to their daily lives and more

Testimonies of Buddhist Practice 2 - Growing pains

LEARNING TO NOT BE AFRAID
BY KAREN DAVIDSON, LAS VEGAS


Title: Learning To Not Be Afraid

Source: Living Buddhism 01/05 v.9 n.1 p.12 Las Vegas
Author: Davidson



As the daughter of a violent, alcoholic father and a schizophrenic mother, you might say I was
born to be bipolar.

Growing up manic-depressive, the oldest of a brood of siblings with similar psychological
issues, I turned into a typical sixties drug-culture teenager: I self-medicated. Because I spent
most of my time in the manic phase, trying to avoid the crashing depressions, I would seek out
the type of drugs that revved me up — speed to get an energized feeling, psychedelics to escape
the reality. I had been an insomniac since early childhood; I didn’t sleep much to begin with and
liked having lots of energy to do things.

It was through a drug connection that I ran into Nichiren Buddhism around 1962. I didn’t
take the guy seriously, but oddly enough, every summer for the next ten years, someone would
tell me about Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. While hitchhiking through California, I’d chant to get a
ride and be safe. That’s about as involved as I wanted to be.

My first SGI-USA activity was a women’s meeting I attended in January 1975. Actually, I was
only there for the Japanese food. I kept nodding my head in agreement as each person spoke, but
I planned to leave the meeting as soon as possible. Instead, I received the Gohonzon twenty minutes later.
At the time I received the Gohonzon, I was experiencing extreme manic symptoms. From the
beginning of my practice, this made it difficult to for me to sit still and chant.

For the next ten years, I suffered from many physical illnesses: asthma, irritable bowel syndrome, and cancer, to name just a few. I struggled to overcome each new sickness, doing my best
not to give up. Working, raising my children, and taking on responsibilities in the SGI was overwhelming, but I did my best to continue in faith, even during radiation and chemotherapy treatments.

When I found out that I had cancer for the third time, I was in shock; I felt completely overwhelmed. Good health seemed to be an impossible dream for me. Supportive SGI leaders were
always around me, however, and I continued studying Buddhism, even while I was in the doctors’ offices. Reading passages from Nichiren’s writings like this one spurred me on: “Nammyoho-renge-kyo is like the roar of a lion. What sickness can therefore be an obstacle?… A
sword is useless in the hands of a coward” (“Reply to Kyo’o,” The Writings of Nichiren
Daishonin, p. 412).

In spite of everything, through the power of the Mystic Law, I mustered up the courage to continue to seek encouragement from seniors in faith, go to activities, and study Nichiren’s writings
and SGI President Ikeda’s guidance. My physical health improved, and I introduced other
patients, nurses, and doctors to this practice.

But I just couldn’t seem to live fully in the present moment. I started having one serious problem after another — the kind that occur from remaining in the past or living in the intangible
future rather than focusing completely on the present. I became more manic than ever before. I
felt ashamed for being in such a life-condition; I was negative and resentful, constantly complaining about my difficulties. Frequently, I had ill feelings toward my leaders, who were trying
to help me continue to practice.

It’s not always obvious when someone has cancer, but everyone can see a cast. In 1986, I had
an accident at work, which resulted in an injured lower back and two ruptured disks. Looking
back, I realize that this was a crucial turning point in my life. I had two major surgeries on my
back; I underwent nine months of full-time rehabilitation and therapy — eight hours a day, five


days a week. I had to learn how to walk, sit, lie down, and get up. I was in constant pain.
Ultimately, despite all my prayers and efforts for three years, I still had 17 percent permanent disability in my right leg. Instead of being appreciative that I was at least able to walk, I was very discouraged. I suffered not because of my physical condition but because of my negative attitude.
Each day, I chanted to stop feeling like a victim and to appreciate my life instead. I began to
understand that I was relinquishing my personal power by allowing my physical and mental
problems to control my life.

But understanding something doesn’t always mean the situation will immediately change.
Nichiren wrote that the inner workings of one’s mind are manifested in the body. My mind was
working overtime and my body was becoming very fatigued.

In the early 1990s, I became seriously ill with a thyroid condition. I received guidance many
times as I continued to seek solutions for my difficulties. The doctors started experimenting with
different prescriptions: pain pills, muscle relaxants, antidepressants, and other mood-altering
drugs, while I endured radiation therapy for my thyroid. The amount of medication I needed to
maintain my life functions was out of control, and finally, my kidneys revolted.

For the next three years, I had mood swings that were more extreme than ever; my condition
got even worse. Then, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a very painful disorder that meant even
more medication. I actually broke my neck from vomiting with so much force. On reflection, I
realized that I harbored the belief I would never be healthy. Though my life had changed on some
levels, I knew I needed to change something in my life on an even deeper level. I thought about
my attitude and beliefs more seriously. I went back into therapy and realized how fear-based my
life had been. I worried about everything. I always anticipated the worst possible scenario or outcome of anything that was happening in my life.

The doctors began talking about putting me on kidney dialysis. At that very moment, which
was filled with dread, everything clicked: all my efforts and all the things I had ever learned from
my practice came together to show me that fear was what triggered my manic episodes — the fear
of life — and that it was the underlying cause of all my physical ailments. I realized that I had to
chant with greater resolve, with a fearless determination. I chanted to break free from this cycle
and become liberated. Also, I wanted to get off all the medications.

I started looking for holistic alternatives for curing or managing my illnesses. I studied a lot
about alternative health care and found a mainstream physician who combined acupuncture with
holistic treatment. I discovered that some bipolar tendencies are exacerbated by diet, and that I
was allergic to wheat and corn. Reactions to those foods can cause manic behavior as well as put
a strain on the liver and kidneys.

I began to experience some really profound life changes that I could never have achieved without my Buddhist practice. This gave me the courage to challenge myself and to radically change
my life by doing human revolution and facing my fundamental darkness. I realized that I am
accountable for my own thoughts, speech, and actions. I began to penetrate the inner depths of
my life and to have more control. My life radically changed, and I no longer need to take the bipolar medication. I feel courage rather than fear.

It took a lot of effort and self-reflection for me to arrive at this point. The practice of Nichiren
Buddhism is not magic. I had to apply myself, to become accountable for my own life. My experiences have shown me that anything is possible. I still have to struggle with my basic life tendencies, and every day I rely on my Buddhist practice to manifest courage. I’ve learned not to be
afraid of my own feelings, to live a healthier existence, and to appreciate my life. Each day means
a new opportunity to prove the validity of Buddhism by making the impossible possible. After
all, with Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, what sickness can be an obstacle?
—As told to Natalie Bates

Testimonies of Buddhist Practice - Overcoming Depression - Something to share...

MAKING A FUNDAMENTAL CHANGE
BY ALLIE WOOD
BIRMINGHAM, ALA.



Title: Making a Fundamental Change
Source: World Tribune 10/28/05 n.3575 p.4 Birmingham, Ala.
Author: Wood
Keywords: [WT051028P04A] [E] [WT] [05] health addiction depression compulsion making fundamental
             change birmingham


In 1994, I was diagnosed with severe depression. Nothing seemed important enough for
me to live, not even my love for my son, and several times I planned to end my life. My
family will be better off without me, I thought.
Despite 15 years of chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, I was so depressed that I stopped
my Buddhist practice. I would simply sit in front of the Gohonzon and not open my mouth,
even though SGI-USA members came by my house regularly to chant with me. But I had
given up hope and did not believe that chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo could ease my
pain and suffering one iota. As my sickness went on, my marriage also went under. All of
this happened within a single year.

In 1995, I moved back to Chicago to live with my twin sister, Alicia. She set up my altar
one day and told me that it was time to chant again. Because of her encouragement, I started attending SGI-USA meetings. I was still in therapy and taking lots of medication, but,
more important, I was chanting for the happiness of others once again.
I could not, however, chant for my own happiness. I just didn’t believe it was possible
for me to be happy.

In summer 2002, I asked a senior in faith for advice about my Buddhist practice and
why it had stalled. He reminded me that this is a practice for oneself and others and that I
should definitely chant about my own happiness as well.
After hearing this, my life started to open up. I socialized more and got more involved
in taking care of SGI-USA members, overcoming my fear of being around others in the
process. I chose not to let my illness control me.

A month later, Roy Wood, a man I dated about 30 years earlier, contacted me when he
was visiting Chicago for a family reunion. We spent some time together and enjoyed each
other’s company. A couple of months later, he invited me to visit him in Birmingham, Ala.,
where, once again, we had a wonderful time.

At the end of 2002, Alicia and I moved to Elk Grove, Calif., and a few months after that,
my brother Harold, my best friend, was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and given just
two months to live. He moved in with Alicia and me, and on May 26, he died. His passing shook me to the core; so much so, that I fell into a depression again.

The instant I recognized what was happening, I promised myself, I will not be controlled
by this. I quickly asked for advice from my SGI-USA friends and leaders, who encouraged
me to chant, chanted with me and helped me to continue practicing Buddhism throughout
this ordeal. Thanks to their support, I put my whole being into my practice. I was an SGIUSA group leader at the time, and we often had meetings at our home. I quickly pulled
out of my depression.

I recall SGI President Ikeda’s words: “The tremendous conviction in faith we gain by
exerting ourselves in our Buddhist activities endows us with the strength to surmount any
difficulty or hardship we encounter in life” (The New Human Revolution, vol. 8, p. 40).
This time, I also challenged some old, deep-seated notions. For example, does human
revolution refer merely to experiencing problems? No, I thought, this kind of revolution
means making a change — an essential, internal and spiritual change.

Around this same time, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a combination of
mood disorders and schizophrenia. I began having violent dreams, hearing voices, feeling
constantly sad, fatigued and unable to concentrate. I discussed my Buddhist practice with
both my therapist and psychiatrist, because I was determined not to stop practicing as I
had done in the past.
Introducing others to Buddhism reminded me of the power of Buddhism within me. I
realized that, despite my illness, I could be happy just as I was. I discovered that I loved
myself and that, despite all my challenges, my life had changed on a deep level.
Then, on July 13, 2003, Roy Wood gave me an engagement ring and asked me to marry
him. I accepted.

Author Pearl S. Buck wrote that the secret of life is “to begin a new day with courage
and with the belief that it can be made the best of all days, whatever change it brings.” I
understood that I had the power to make every day “the best of all days” through my
Buddhist practice.

On July 17, 2004, Roy Wood and I were married at the SGI-USA Chicago Culture
Center. The very next day, I moved with him to Birmingham. I immediately contacted the
local SGI-USA organization and started participating in activities, consistently and compassionately supported by my husband.

Now, the violent dreams, fatigue and sadness are all gone. I continue to see a psychiatrist, who has helped me go from eight antidepressants a week to three. Most important,
my happiness is not controlled by my illness.

Earlier this year, I experienced some physical problems —losing my balance and falling
down, numb hands and a severe headache. Doctors found I had two pinched nerves and
scheduled me for surgery. Again, I knew what to do. I talked with seniors in faith and
chanted as if I were fighting for my life. I continued to host meetings at my home, and
soon people throughout the nation were chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo for my recovery —including people who had not chanted for a long time and people who had never
chanted before. I read Nichiren Daishonin’s letters, including these words: “A sword is
useless in the hands of a coward. The mighty sword of the Lotus Sutra must be wielded by
one courageous in faith” (The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, p. 412). The surgery was
successful, and I recovered very well.

I’m so happy to be practicing Nichiren Buddhism every single day of my life, and to be
part of this community of believers. I’ve taken on additional responsibility as an SGI-USA
group leader in Birmingham, sharing my life with and encouraging members. My challenges continue, but I am not a victim. Based on my Buddhist practice, I am in charge and I love my life.

Europe - eating out, seriously...

I think and had expressed this view - that we should teach our young (and ourselves) how to cook.  This is in reaction to what I observed in Europe where eating out (confirmed by my colleagues at NUS who are from either USA or Europe) is a luxury. 

A meal would set one back by almost S$25-S$30 each.  Groceries or packed food for easy cooking are definitely cheaper because the portions are big and can be consumed over a few meals - better yet shared. 

A box of fried rice prepacked costs Euro$9 on the average and can last three meals (personal taste not withstanding ;p)

Staying in a bed and breakfast of course is the way too given how the hotels are pricey too.

Having said (or griped) about all that, I think the trip was nice - the pace of life, the vastness of the cities and the many things to learn and enjoy. 

Fracas Over Elderly Facilities

Where I live in Bedok Reservoir Road, there are plans to build 3 blocks of elderly studios.  It will be on a piece of land that used to be the venue of political rallies during general elections.  When it was first announced, I had visited the HDB website to find out more regarding such studios. 

I have friends whose parents live in such flats.  Though I have never visited one, I heard the conditions are pretty decent.  Many of these elderly are wise - they sold their original HDB flats to downgrade to these studios as their children married and moved out.  Their original flats had become too big.  At the financial level, they have 'monetized' their assets and are living on these retirement funds. 

To be clear, all these elderly are ambulant and independent.  Many enjoy their freedom and the convenience that a smaller flat offers in terms of maintenance.  Furthermore, such flats are equipped with grab-bars and other elderly friendly amenities. 

Which brings me to the current fracas overly the elderly studios at Toh Yi estate and the elderly corner at Sembawang.  Many misconception regarding the elderly facilities are perpetuated by hearsay or heartland rumor.  These are of course rooted in actual experiences of people who lived near elderly or had elderly family members.   

One such neighbor who lives in the block that would face the the new elderly studio flats told Huat, my 3rd brother that 'it is terrible to live near the elderly'.  Mind you, this neighbor is himself in his early 60s.  He related that his old neighbor used to take care of an elderly woman who is the grandmother.  She was demented and with many ailments.  This neighbor went on to describe animatedly how the family members of this house neglected the old lady to the extent of not even bathing her and letting her defecate as well as urinate in the hall.  The stench from the poor hygiene was carried into their neighbors' houses too.  In fact, the family was so exasperated with her condition, they left her stark naked most of the time - perhaps to save on the trouble of cleaning up after her. 

The first thing that crossed my mind when I heard the account, was - perhaps they family could not afford some kind of domestic help, let alone sending her to a living facility such as an old folks home?  But the domestic situation of each family is different and as outsiders, we are in no position to comment nor judge.

All these bad experiences of family members or their friends will surely perpetuate the negative perception of living with the elderly. 

At the macro-level, what is clearly in dire shortage is our social network that provides for such eventual needs of the elderly.  This topic has been discussed extensively and no satisfying solution seems to be in the horizon given the escalating costs of everything especially land.

At the individual level, we need to understand the dynamics of living with an elderly and vice versa.  Family members have to make conscious efforts to   As a surely potential elderly myself - I dread the kind of society that I am aging into if the controversy over the facilities is anything to go by.