Testimonies of Buddhist Practice - Overcoming Depression - Something to share...

MAKING A FUNDAMENTAL CHANGE
BY ALLIE WOOD
BIRMINGHAM, ALA.



Title: Making a Fundamental Change
Source: World Tribune 10/28/05 n.3575 p.4 Birmingham, Ala.
Author: Wood
Keywords: [WT051028P04A] [E] [WT] [05] health addiction depression compulsion making fundamental
             change birmingham


In 1994, I was diagnosed with severe depression. Nothing seemed important enough for
me to live, not even my love for my son, and several times I planned to end my life. My
family will be better off without me, I thought.
Despite 15 years of chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, I was so depressed that I stopped
my Buddhist practice. I would simply sit in front of the Gohonzon and not open my mouth,
even though SGI-USA members came by my house regularly to chant with me. But I had
given up hope and did not believe that chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo could ease my
pain and suffering one iota. As my sickness went on, my marriage also went under. All of
this happened within a single year.

In 1995, I moved back to Chicago to live with my twin sister, Alicia. She set up my altar
one day and told me that it was time to chant again. Because of her encouragement, I started attending SGI-USA meetings. I was still in therapy and taking lots of medication, but,
more important, I was chanting for the happiness of others once again.
I could not, however, chant for my own happiness. I just didn’t believe it was possible
for me to be happy.

In summer 2002, I asked a senior in faith for advice about my Buddhist practice and
why it had stalled. He reminded me that this is a practice for oneself and others and that I
should definitely chant about my own happiness as well.
After hearing this, my life started to open up. I socialized more and got more involved
in taking care of SGI-USA members, overcoming my fear of being around others in the
process. I chose not to let my illness control me.

A month later, Roy Wood, a man I dated about 30 years earlier, contacted me when he
was visiting Chicago for a family reunion. We spent some time together and enjoyed each
other’s company. A couple of months later, he invited me to visit him in Birmingham, Ala.,
where, once again, we had a wonderful time.

At the end of 2002, Alicia and I moved to Elk Grove, Calif., and a few months after that,
my brother Harold, my best friend, was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and given just
two months to live. He moved in with Alicia and me, and on May 26, he died. His passing shook me to the core; so much so, that I fell into a depression again.

The instant I recognized what was happening, I promised myself, I will not be controlled
by this. I quickly asked for advice from my SGI-USA friends and leaders, who encouraged
me to chant, chanted with me and helped me to continue practicing Buddhism throughout
this ordeal. Thanks to their support, I put my whole being into my practice. I was an SGIUSA group leader at the time, and we often had meetings at our home. I quickly pulled
out of my depression.

I recall SGI President Ikeda’s words: “The tremendous conviction in faith we gain by
exerting ourselves in our Buddhist activities endows us with the strength to surmount any
difficulty or hardship we encounter in life” (The New Human Revolution, vol. 8, p. 40).
This time, I also challenged some old, deep-seated notions. For example, does human
revolution refer merely to experiencing problems? No, I thought, this kind of revolution
means making a change — an essential, internal and spiritual change.

Around this same time, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a combination of
mood disorders and schizophrenia. I began having violent dreams, hearing voices, feeling
constantly sad, fatigued and unable to concentrate. I discussed my Buddhist practice with
both my therapist and psychiatrist, because I was determined not to stop practicing as I
had done in the past.
Introducing others to Buddhism reminded me of the power of Buddhism within me. I
realized that, despite my illness, I could be happy just as I was. I discovered that I loved
myself and that, despite all my challenges, my life had changed on a deep level.
Then, on July 13, 2003, Roy Wood gave me an engagement ring and asked me to marry
him. I accepted.

Author Pearl S. Buck wrote that the secret of life is “to begin a new day with courage
and with the belief that it can be made the best of all days, whatever change it brings.” I
understood that I had the power to make every day “the best of all days” through my
Buddhist practice.

On July 17, 2004, Roy Wood and I were married at the SGI-USA Chicago Culture
Center. The very next day, I moved with him to Birmingham. I immediately contacted the
local SGI-USA organization and started participating in activities, consistently and compassionately supported by my husband.

Now, the violent dreams, fatigue and sadness are all gone. I continue to see a psychiatrist, who has helped me go from eight antidepressants a week to three. Most important,
my happiness is not controlled by my illness.

Earlier this year, I experienced some physical problems —losing my balance and falling
down, numb hands and a severe headache. Doctors found I had two pinched nerves and
scheduled me for surgery. Again, I knew what to do. I talked with seniors in faith and
chanted as if I were fighting for my life. I continued to host meetings at my home, and
soon people throughout the nation were chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo for my recovery —including people who had not chanted for a long time and people who had never
chanted before. I read Nichiren Daishonin’s letters, including these words: “A sword is
useless in the hands of a coward. The mighty sword of the Lotus Sutra must be wielded by
one courageous in faith” (The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, p. 412). The surgery was
successful, and I recovered very well.

I’m so happy to be practicing Nichiren Buddhism every single day of my life, and to be
part of this community of believers. I’ve taken on additional responsibility as an SGI-USA
group leader in Birmingham, sharing my life with and encouraging members. My challenges continue, but I am not a victim. Based on my Buddhist practice, I am in charge and I love my life.