Mum left us on 2 Sep 2014. It certainly feels like it was yesterday. Since her passing, much had taken place.
I had not shared much about the months leading to her passing. After 5 years, I feel timely and would like to.
Almost 1.5 years before, I had a nice conversation with Mum. It was a Sunday when Mety, our helper took her day off. As usual, Geok and I would plan activities for Mum to keep her occupied. Typically, it would be lunch at the hawker centre, card games with her or even strolls in the gardens within the estate. If it got too warm, it would be us holed up in the air-conditioned room watching TV and chatting.
Mety had showered for Mum and she was comfortably seated in the couch in my study. As she was flipping her playing cards, I asked her in Hokkien - "Are you concerned about me being alone in the future?" She was very relaxed and looked up with her signature smile - "concerned about you ?" I was very surprised by her answer after "Why do I need to worry about you? You are not 'gong' (hokkien for dumb or stupid). When I related this to my close friends, they said Mum knew I would be able to take care of myself since I was street smart enough. Mum also saw how the siblings took care of each other and felt assured that we would be fine. I felt very reassured.
In August 2014, I was in class and Beng had taken time to have dinner with her at home. This was related to me by him. She had turned to Beng to ask for me - and after he told her that I was teaching, she asked "he is a teacher?". Then she told Beng - "Ah Guan is a good man". That was all she said even after Beng tried to prod her to explain she just kept quiet and continued with her card game.
It brought tears to me when Beng told me this conversation. Ours is a family that acts more than expresses and this was comforting as it was sad - because intrinsically we knew that she was preparing for the conclusion of her life.
Ultimately, all we have are memories of our loved ones when they are no longer with us - I am grateful that we were given many opportunities especially in their latter years to build more of such heart warming and fond ones that we can relive whenever we miss them.
Thursday, September 26, 2019
In the end, what counts....
“Come to think of it, finally, it’s only friendship that matters.” - the late Mr Lee Kuan Yew to Robert Kuok when they met in 2007/8. - If i remember quote correctly. Do let me know if I had misquoted.
Recently, I was told something a trainer shared with his participants, or rather bragged to them. He was telling them how much money he made during his younger days and how he decided to move to a 'bungalow in the sky' (apartment) instead of staying in their landed property.
Throughout the session, he only made a fleeting mention about his late parents - that his only regret was not having told them that he was rich.
It got me thinking - perhaps that was his way of expressing himself - to each his own I guess.
What has this got to do with the quote at the start ?
I think we should encourage people to share about the relationships that have changed or influenced their lives. Especially for those of us who are in our middle age. Our society has made quantitative measure of success such a standard, we do not seemed to be able to move away from talking about what we own, now or before. Talking of relationships or people are also awkward for most.
Perhaps that is the reason, we see very high hits of video clips or quotes online that help us express this part of us.
I thought it would be meaningful as we close the year to recollect some of these relationships in my life.
Many of you would have read my posts regarding my parents and siblings - they count for a lot in my life - particularly the past couple of decades. Not when I was younger though - we had our youthful distractions and the growing pangs and pains so we also had our difficult phases together.
I am however, grateful these did not become internalised to a point where being in the same space was difficult too (like those in the movies). We mellowed and became closer as we overcame challenges together.
From my parents, I learnt perseverance and sticking together through thick and thin. They married for over 58 years and saw so many trials and tribulations that would have resulted in them going their separate ways many times over. But they stuck it out. We were the better for it.
From them I also learnt to cook and enjoy home cooked meals. They always made sure we had warm food on the table no matter how far out we went to play in the neighbourhood. Like clockwork, the dishes were always placed nicely on our kitchen table for us.
Both of them taught us the simple virtue of hard work. We are not rich by any measure today, but we know that what we have, we earned it. To rip what we sow - thats Mum's mantra to us when we all started work.
Hope this post offers something to think about the people closest and dearest to you.
Recently, I was told something a trainer shared with his participants, or rather bragged to them. He was telling them how much money he made during his younger days and how he decided to move to a 'bungalow in the sky' (apartment) instead of staying in their landed property.
Throughout the session, he only made a fleeting mention about his late parents - that his only regret was not having told them that he was rich.
It got me thinking - perhaps that was his way of expressing himself - to each his own I guess.
What has this got to do with the quote at the start ?
I think we should encourage people to share about the relationships that have changed or influenced their lives. Especially for those of us who are in our middle age. Our society has made quantitative measure of success such a standard, we do not seemed to be able to move away from talking about what we own, now or before. Talking of relationships or people are also awkward for most.
Perhaps that is the reason, we see very high hits of video clips or quotes online that help us express this part of us.
I thought it would be meaningful as we close the year to recollect some of these relationships in my life.
Many of you would have read my posts regarding my parents and siblings - they count for a lot in my life - particularly the past couple of decades. Not when I was younger though - we had our youthful distractions and the growing pangs and pains so we also had our difficult phases together.
I am however, grateful these did not become internalised to a point where being in the same space was difficult too (like those in the movies). We mellowed and became closer as we overcame challenges together.
From my parents, I learnt perseverance and sticking together through thick and thin. They married for over 58 years and saw so many trials and tribulations that would have resulted in them going their separate ways many times over. But they stuck it out. We were the better for it.
From them I also learnt to cook and enjoy home cooked meals. They always made sure we had warm food on the table no matter how far out we went to play in the neighbourhood. Like clockwork, the dishes were always placed nicely on our kitchen table for us.
Both of them taught us the simple virtue of hard work. We are not rich by any measure today, but we know that what we have, we earned it. To rip what we sow - thats Mum's mantra to us when we all started work.
Hope this post offers something to think about the people closest and dearest to you.
Three 'Siew Mais' For Every Visit - My Dad and his father
Our paternal grandfather (Lau Keng Hong), brought Dad to Singapore in 1936. Dad was 6 years old then. He told us about the boat trip that took 60 days from YongChun County, Fujian Province to Singapore.
Like many from south China, immigration was the only way out of the dire living conditions in the villages and a shot at seeking a break in Nanyang.
Grandfather was in the fabric trade and Dad helped him in his youth. They lived in Lorong 27, Geylang for many years. There former homes are now part of the road leading to the Aljunied MRT station saved for some shop houses still there. Dad was to be a bus conductor, an insurance agent and for almost 48 years thereafter, the secretary of the Geylang Villagers Association.
After our paternal grandmother passed away, grandfather's health also deteriorated. Though he was more senior, his physical constitution was far stronger than hers. She passed away from a heart attack one night at home.
Grandfather suffered from severe dementia.
When our youngest Uncle died from alcoholism at 43. Dad took the initiative to propose that Grandfather be placed at a home. By then he was already unable to communicate and could not recognise anyone. Dad chose one near Telok Kurau as it was one nearest to our place where he could visit.
His visits took place weekly and in each occasion, he would bring along three siew mais for grandfather as that was his favourite snack. He would relate Grandfather's condition to Mum after each visit. So we found out through their chats.
Dad fulfilled his filial duties the best way he knew. There was much disagreement amongst the siblings on how to pay for and manage his care. I still remember that Dad would help his father to send money to his youngest brother in YongChun for many years. After grandfather passed on, Dad continued to do so whenever he could though it was very trying since our family of 8 was also going through our own hardship.
Grandfather passed away at the home in the middle of the night. We were informed by the director in the morning. In the course of his entire adult life, Dad kept to his confucian values of always being respectful of Grandfather and acceding to his demands and calls for help whenever things happened to his younger siblings and we have had many after midnight calls of such nature.
Dad brought Grandfather back to China when he was in his 40s and the later in his 70s. Subsequently, he brought both Grandfather and Grandmother back once. My trip with Dad and Mum in 2003 was his 4th trip back since the journey to Singapore in 1936.
Like many from south China, immigration was the only way out of the dire living conditions in the villages and a shot at seeking a break in Nanyang.
Grandfather was in the fabric trade and Dad helped him in his youth. They lived in Lorong 27, Geylang for many years. There former homes are now part of the road leading to the Aljunied MRT station saved for some shop houses still there. Dad was to be a bus conductor, an insurance agent and for almost 48 years thereafter, the secretary of the Geylang Villagers Association.
After our paternal grandmother passed away, grandfather's health also deteriorated. Though he was more senior, his physical constitution was far stronger than hers. She passed away from a heart attack one night at home.
Grandfather suffered from severe dementia.
When our youngest Uncle died from alcoholism at 43. Dad took the initiative to propose that Grandfather be placed at a home. By then he was already unable to communicate and could not recognise anyone. Dad chose one near Telok Kurau as it was one nearest to our place where he could visit.
His visits took place weekly and in each occasion, he would bring along three siew mais for grandfather as that was his favourite snack. He would relate Grandfather's condition to Mum after each visit. So we found out through their chats.
Dad fulfilled his filial duties the best way he knew. There was much disagreement amongst the siblings on how to pay for and manage his care. I still remember that Dad would help his father to send money to his youngest brother in YongChun for many years. After grandfather passed on, Dad continued to do so whenever he could though it was very trying since our family of 8 was also going through our own hardship.
Grandfather passed away at the home in the middle of the night. We were informed by the director in the morning. In the course of his entire adult life, Dad kept to his confucian values of always being respectful of Grandfather and acceding to his demands and calls for help whenever things happened to his younger siblings and we have had many after midnight calls of such nature.
Dad brought Grandfather back to China when he was in his 40s and the later in his 70s. Subsequently, he brought both Grandfather and Grandmother back once. My trip with Dad and Mum in 2003 was his 4th trip back since the journey to Singapore in 1936.
Wednesday, September 25, 2019
On spirituality - and my practice
This post is a very personal take on my Buddhist practice. It hopes to promote understanding and, if it so happens those who feel inclined might wish to try it. Thank you for reading.
I have written before on why I am a Buddhist. To me, it is a philosophy - not a religion in the strictest sense of the word.
So I am spiritual but not religious. I am part of a religious organization by way of having a support network for community or fellowship - to be connected with others who also practice this philosophy.
I like this Huff Post article (https://www.huffpost.com/entry/religious-vs-spiritual_b_576b1b14e4b083e0c02350c1) on the difference between spirituality and religion - of course there are shades of grey (no offense intended for borrowing the infamous phrase of the title of the book 😅)
Of particular interest are these phrases : Spiritual person knows that there is only one truth and they are in fact in charge of their own evolution and destiny. They also know that nothing is “written” and all our futures are shaped by our desires and the power of our minds.
Do you believe in the power of your own self and that you are in charge of your destiny? In this case you are spiritual.
So when I share that I chant, what am I actually doing ? The action of chanting is based on the core teaching of the Lotus Sutra that the essence of life is cause and effect - this goes beyond existential and visible realms but also transcends space and time.
In effect, I am tapping into my highest state of life called Buddhahood (which everyone absolutely possesses. The chant of Nam-myo-ho renge-kyo is like a clarion call to this state to emerge. All phenomena have 10 states or life conditions - the lowest of which is hell while the pinnacle is where Buddha nature resides.
When we chant, we are clearing the debris of the lower worlds to reveal the highest life state. It has often been likened to polishing our inner tarnished mirror.
So - in the 33 years of practice, we are still learning about our practice. With the internet, others who are doing the same from all corners of the world also share their experiences. I came across this reminder of how we should chant for our desires (btw, earthly desires are enlightenment contrary to traditional belief that we should be totally detached from the world)
First : set specific goals or objectives that you are chanting for. These should include people, timeline and most important - the outcome that you want to see.
Second : make it into a campaign with amount of chant that you commit to do. This is about galloping chant that is resolute and sonorous. All the time keeping the ‘outcome’ in mind. No strategizing or scheming because the universe would find the ladened chant to heavy to realize.
Third : when you are distracted as you definitely would be, refocus to go back to keep up the momentum.
Fourth : Because you have started the campaign and the chant has been triggered in the universe, you must practice wisdom to look out for prompts or steps that are related to your ‘outcome’ - a phone call, a connection that has resurfaced or a referral that suddenly emerged etc. This is important - we do not encourage blind faith but action-based practice.
Fifth : Perhaps most vital : keep chanting.
That’s what I do - and it’s even for the most rudimentary things in my life. After all, our happiness which is what we live for is surely not a high brow notion alone but embedded in every aspect of our daily existence.
May you find your path to happiness too.
I have written before on why I am a Buddhist. To me, it is a philosophy - not a religion in the strictest sense of the word.
So I am spiritual but not religious. I am part of a religious organization by way of having a support network for community or fellowship - to be connected with others who also practice this philosophy.
I like this Huff Post article (https://www.huffpost.com/entry/religious-vs-spiritual_b_576b1b14e4b083e0c02350c1) on the difference between spirituality and religion - of course there are shades of grey (no offense intended for borrowing the infamous phrase of the title of the book 😅)
Of particular interest are these phrases : Spiritual person knows that there is only one truth and they are in fact in charge of their own evolution and destiny. They also know that nothing is “written” and all our futures are shaped by our desires and the power of our minds.
Do you believe in the power of your own self and that you are in charge of your destiny? In this case you are spiritual.
So when I share that I chant, what am I actually doing ? The action of chanting is based on the core teaching of the Lotus Sutra that the essence of life is cause and effect - this goes beyond existential and visible realms but also transcends space and time.
In effect, I am tapping into my highest state of life called Buddhahood (which everyone absolutely possesses. The chant of Nam-myo-ho renge-kyo is like a clarion call to this state to emerge. All phenomena have 10 states or life conditions - the lowest of which is hell while the pinnacle is where Buddha nature resides.
When we chant, we are clearing the debris of the lower worlds to reveal the highest life state. It has often been likened to polishing our inner tarnished mirror.
So - in the 33 years of practice, we are still learning about our practice. With the internet, others who are doing the same from all corners of the world also share their experiences. I came across this reminder of how we should chant for our desires (btw, earthly desires are enlightenment contrary to traditional belief that we should be totally detached from the world)
First : set specific goals or objectives that you are chanting for. These should include people, timeline and most important - the outcome that you want to see.
Second : make it into a campaign with amount of chant that you commit to do. This is about galloping chant that is resolute and sonorous. All the time keeping the ‘outcome’ in mind. No strategizing or scheming because the universe would find the ladened chant to heavy to realize.
Third : when you are distracted as you definitely would be, refocus to go back to keep up the momentum.
Fourth : Because you have started the campaign and the chant has been triggered in the universe, you must practice wisdom to look out for prompts or steps that are related to your ‘outcome’ - a phone call, a connection that has resurfaced or a referral that suddenly emerged etc. This is important - we do not encourage blind faith but action-based practice.
Fifth : Perhaps most vital : keep chanting.
That’s what I do - and it’s even for the most rudimentary things in my life. After all, our happiness which is what we live for is surely not a high brow notion alone but embedded in every aspect of our daily existence.
May you find your path to happiness too.
Wednesday, December 6, 2017
The Love Affair Of Our Parents
Mum and Dad were married for 58 years - both met when they were in their mid 20s. Theirs was a marriage of love - not arranged or match-made, common in those days.
Dad had come from China when he was six. Mum was born in Singapore as a British subject. They met at a market along Geylang Lorong 25. Dad was helping Grandfather with his fabric business while Mum was peddling vegetables for her father.
Our maternal grandfather had disapprove of their relationship - in part due to gossipy friends who warned him that Dad comes from a complicated family (in-law issues specifically). Mum used to tell us, she stayed the course - we never got to ask why - but she always alluded to us, the kids for her remaining in the marriage.
We grew to understand that besides the 6 kids they had, it was their mutual love for each other that made them stick together for so long. In more than slightly half a century of marriage, they were plenty of instances of this strong and binding love. Somehow, after each tiff they had, they would always find ways to make peace - the meals, the eating out or the buying lottery - any gesture to make up after a quarrel no matter how heated.
A piece of bread delivered to the hair salon
This was related to us by Mety, our helper. She had brought Mum to the hair dresser and there was a long wait. Dad was at home. When he realized that both of them had not return, he prepared a piece of wholemeal bread and brought it to Mum - as she was diabetic, he was worried that she would be hungry while waiting her turn.
Travels
13-Day China Trip
I traveled with both my parents in 2003 for 13 days to various southern cities in China. The final leg was at Dad's hometown in YongChun, Fujian Province. It was during the trip that I witnessed how much they both basically love each other. At each stop, Dad would gather Mum's laundry to wash - even after I suggested we could let the hotel do them. Mum had never believed in letting others do her laundry - of course, she would also take turns to do Dad's laundry too during the trip. How did I know, the laundry lines would be extended in their hotel rooms.
Jakarta to visit Geok
When Geok was based in Jakarta with her family, we planned a trip to spend one weekend - we also took the opportunity to visit Khiam who works there. Our Brother in law planned a day trip by car to Bandung (the highway had by then been completed). We did not think Mum would like the journey so she stayed back in the city with Geok.
Throughout the journey, I could sense that Dad missed Mum - and when I came back to Jakarta - Geok told me that Mum kept asking if Dad was returning from Bandung. She kept asking her if someone was knocking at her door.
Choosing our new house
When we sold our jumbo flat, it was done before I found our current one. In the course of our search for the new flat, Mum's recurrent instruction to me was to make sure it was in the same estate as our previous one - where bus services would be available so that Dad could still make his regular trips to the clan Association where he spent much time - meeting with his friends and playing mahjong with them. This simple instruction spoke volumes of how much she really cared for him.
New Year, New Home-made Boxers
There was a ritual during lunar new year when we were young that also spoke of Mum's love for Dad. She would buy pyjama-patterned fabric to make Dad's boxers. Being new year means new clothes - to the finer details of the boxers. She was always a good seamstress - she even sewed the older siblings' school uniforms (Mattar East Primary School).
These are but only some examples that I could recall of how, in their simple but practical ways, both of them showed their affection and love for each other. I am sure my siblings especially the older ones would remember even more.
Happy Holidays !
Dad had come from China when he was six. Mum was born in Singapore as a British subject. They met at a market along Geylang Lorong 25. Dad was helping Grandfather with his fabric business while Mum was peddling vegetables for her father.
Our maternal grandfather had disapprove of their relationship - in part due to gossipy friends who warned him that Dad comes from a complicated family (in-law issues specifically). Mum used to tell us, she stayed the course - we never got to ask why - but she always alluded to us, the kids for her remaining in the marriage.
We grew to understand that besides the 6 kids they had, it was their mutual love for each other that made them stick together for so long. In more than slightly half a century of marriage, they were plenty of instances of this strong and binding love. Somehow, after each tiff they had, they would always find ways to make peace - the meals, the eating out or the buying lottery - any gesture to make up after a quarrel no matter how heated.
A piece of bread delivered to the hair salon
This was related to us by Mety, our helper. She had brought Mum to the hair dresser and there was a long wait. Dad was at home. When he realized that both of them had not return, he prepared a piece of wholemeal bread and brought it to Mum - as she was diabetic, he was worried that she would be hungry while waiting her turn.
Travels
13-Day China Trip
I traveled with both my parents in 2003 for 13 days to various southern cities in China. The final leg was at Dad's hometown in YongChun, Fujian Province. It was during the trip that I witnessed how much they both basically love each other. At each stop, Dad would gather Mum's laundry to wash - even after I suggested we could let the hotel do them. Mum had never believed in letting others do her laundry - of course, she would also take turns to do Dad's laundry too during the trip. How did I know, the laundry lines would be extended in their hotel rooms.
Jakarta to visit Geok
When Geok was based in Jakarta with her family, we planned a trip to spend one weekend - we also took the opportunity to visit Khiam who works there. Our Brother in law planned a day trip by car to Bandung (the highway had by then been completed). We did not think Mum would like the journey so she stayed back in the city with Geok.
Throughout the journey, I could sense that Dad missed Mum - and when I came back to Jakarta - Geok told me that Mum kept asking if Dad was returning from Bandung. She kept asking her if someone was knocking at her door.
Choosing our new house
When we sold our jumbo flat, it was done before I found our current one. In the course of our search for the new flat, Mum's recurrent instruction to me was to make sure it was in the same estate as our previous one - where bus services would be available so that Dad could still make his regular trips to the clan Association where he spent much time - meeting with his friends and playing mahjong with them. This simple instruction spoke volumes of how much she really cared for him.
New Year, New Home-made Boxers
There was a ritual during lunar new year when we were young that also spoke of Mum's love for Dad. She would buy pyjama-patterned fabric to make Dad's boxers. Being new year means new clothes - to the finer details of the boxers. She was always a good seamstress - she even sewed the older siblings' school uniforms (Mattar East Primary School).
These are but only some examples that I could recall of how, in their simple but practical ways, both of them showed their affection and love for each other. I am sure my siblings especially the older ones would remember even more.
Happy Holidays !
Sunday, August 13, 2017
Car-less Whispers
I went car-less for 3 weeks recently. It was by choice. I had in the past went car-less but only for selected trips, for example into town to avoid hefty car park charges or crazy traffic (especially during exhibitions or fairs like IT or PC Shows.
So, this round it was a real simulation of no longer owning a car.
I used mainly buses to travel to SAFRA for my daily swims or into town to catch lunches with Geok or friends. Since classes have not started, those were my primary travel needs. Its home-SAFRA and vice versa; home-Bedok or Tampines (grocery shopping or Soka activities) Ez-link card was my mode of payment. Though I had driven a private hire car for almost 7 months, the past three weeks I saw no need for using either Grab or Uber save once when I had to travel to pick up a parcel at night from Tampines to Upper East Coast.
My main peeve about public transport is primarily about crowds during peak hours. As my travels were mainly non-peak, they were pleasant enough. I have to however say that bus drivers do need more training on not being brake-happy. the swerving and hitting of brakes can cause a lot of discomfort for passengers, not to mention dangers of falling for the elderly or those with kids. The other complaint is the condition of some buses. Some were wobbling and the engines sounded like they had been really overworked.
Reminded of my traveling days in the 70s on those non-aircon buses. Come on - Comfort Delgro - we are in the 21st century. If we are going to move large crowds around, we should make their journeys more pleasant or bearable, right? Fortunately, I did not encounter any MRT breakdowns though there were many instances of these over the three weeks. Personally, being car less had some inconveniences - I had to lug my swim bag and stuff around (made a mistake once of shopping for quite a few bags of groceries and the arm was hurting the next day).
Waiting time for buses can be also unpleasant in the hot weather but otherwise quite manageable using the MyTransport App. Of course my 'smell' karma does become quite pronounced during peak hours or on crowded services when fellow commuters with less hygienic habits share seats with me. We should seriously have a campaign on this.
Did I miss my car ? Yes, momentarily when I suddenly thought of going certain places and realized it was not with me. Would I go car-less permanently ? The jury is out on this. My Hyundai Avante has been very useful and somewhat sentimental to me I had used it for both Mum and Dad over the last 7 years.
I still remember bringing them to collect the car when it arrived in 2009. Some of my nephews and siblings have also used it over the course of its life. Its fully paid up and has a good 26 months more to the expiry of its COE. The running expenses are standard and I had also recently spent a bit to replace some really old parts and it feels quite new.
In my attempt to sell it on some online sites, I had met with the old tricks of dealers which make the experience less than pleasant. In the course of my working life, I had driven 7 different cars (bear in mind there were years when COE was non-existent as a policy or concept). For the time being, I would savour the experience of mobility and freedom with my car. Now when I drive past buses or commuters walking towards MRT stations or even though hailing private hire cars - I can truly say - I know how you feel.
I used mainly buses to travel to SAFRA for my daily swims or into town to catch lunches with Geok or friends. Since classes have not started, those were my primary travel needs. Its home-SAFRA and vice versa; home-Bedok or Tampines (grocery shopping or Soka activities) Ez-link card was my mode of payment. Though I had driven a private hire car for almost 7 months, the past three weeks I saw no need for using either Grab or Uber save once when I had to travel to pick up a parcel at night from Tampines to Upper East Coast.
My main peeve about public transport is primarily about crowds during peak hours. As my travels were mainly non-peak, they were pleasant enough. I have to however say that bus drivers do need more training on not being brake-happy. the swerving and hitting of brakes can cause a lot of discomfort for passengers, not to mention dangers of falling for the elderly or those with kids. The other complaint is the condition of some buses. Some were wobbling and the engines sounded like they had been really overworked.
Reminded of my traveling days in the 70s on those non-aircon buses. Come on - Comfort Delgro - we are in the 21st century. If we are going to move large crowds around, we should make their journeys more pleasant or bearable, right? Fortunately, I did not encounter any MRT breakdowns though there were many instances of these over the three weeks. Personally, being car less had some inconveniences - I had to lug my swim bag and stuff around (made a mistake once of shopping for quite a few bags of groceries and the arm was hurting the next day).
Waiting time for buses can be also unpleasant in the hot weather but otherwise quite manageable using the MyTransport App. Of course my 'smell' karma does become quite pronounced during peak hours or on crowded services when fellow commuters with less hygienic habits share seats with me. We should seriously have a campaign on this.
Did I miss my car ? Yes, momentarily when I suddenly thought of going certain places and realized it was not with me. Would I go car-less permanently ? The jury is out on this. My Hyundai Avante has been very useful and somewhat sentimental to me I had used it for both Mum and Dad over the last 7 years.
I still remember bringing them to collect the car when it arrived in 2009. Some of my nephews and siblings have also used it over the course of its life. Its fully paid up and has a good 26 months more to the expiry of its COE. The running expenses are standard and I had also recently spent a bit to replace some really old parts and it feels quite new.
In my attempt to sell it on some online sites, I had met with the old tricks of dealers which make the experience less than pleasant. In the course of my working life, I had driven 7 different cars (bear in mind there were years when COE was non-existent as a policy or concept). For the time being, I would savour the experience of mobility and freedom with my car. Now when I drive past buses or commuters walking towards MRT stations or even though hailing private hire cars - I can truly say - I know how you feel.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
A Mother's love and her lesson on self-preservation
Today's report about '5,000 teachers leave service over 5 years' brought back memories of how I left full time work. In particular, a conversation Mum had with me in 2006 showed me her love for her children and therein also a lesson in self preservation.
I had an unpleasant telephone conversation with a superior at work - over the telephone in my bedroom. It was over some HR issues that we both disagreed. In the conversation, my voice was raised when accusations were made. Mum as usual was in my room, seated at the edge of my bed. She was unable to make sense of the episode as the call was in English. However, the gesticulations, the tone and expression on my face must have conveyed the unpleasantness of it all.
After the call ended, she spoke in Hokkien - "Guan, mai cho la. Bo hua hee, mai cho. Mother bo su yao ler ae lui."(roughly translated - don't continue at this job since you are unhappy - I don't need your money (allowance).
I was taken aback as I didn't expect her to have absorbed so much of a telephone chat that she could not have possibly made sense. I regained my composure and told her it was fine - just some work issue and I was talking loudly as the other party could not hear me.
I then went out for drinks with some friends - in my drive, I thought and was overwhelmed by the love Mum showed me - she was not interested that I kept the job that brought the money home - she was more concerned with how I was treated and taking care of myself - in other words - my self preservation.
It was one of the key reasons why I decided to leave corporate. I needed to assure her that taking care of myself was important as it also meant I was able to care of them too.
For those who are stuck in unhappy jobs - take a breather - do some reality checks about your expenses and needs. Ask yourself, have you been fair to your colleagues and employer - are you doing the job because you have to - and not that you want to anymore.
Remember - you mean a lot to people who truly love you. Your well being is most important because it is a vital function of what you can do for them and those you love too. Having a well paying job means you can provide materially but not having a happy you pains them even more.
Stay happy !
I had an unpleasant telephone conversation with a superior at work - over the telephone in my bedroom. It was over some HR issues that we both disagreed. In the conversation, my voice was raised when accusations were made. Mum as usual was in my room, seated at the edge of my bed. She was unable to make sense of the episode as the call was in English. However, the gesticulations, the tone and expression on my face must have conveyed the unpleasantness of it all.
After the call ended, she spoke in Hokkien - "Guan, mai cho la. Bo hua hee, mai cho. Mother bo su yao ler ae lui."(roughly translated - don't continue at this job since you are unhappy - I don't need your money (allowance).
I was taken aback as I didn't expect her to have absorbed so much of a telephone chat that she could not have possibly made sense. I regained my composure and told her it was fine - just some work issue and I was talking loudly as the other party could not hear me.
I then went out for drinks with some friends - in my drive, I thought and was overwhelmed by the love Mum showed me - she was not interested that I kept the job that brought the money home - she was more concerned with how I was treated and taking care of myself - in other words - my self preservation.
It was one of the key reasons why I decided to leave corporate. I needed to assure her that taking care of myself was important as it also meant I was able to care of them too.
For those who are stuck in unhappy jobs - take a breather - do some reality checks about your expenses and needs. Ask yourself, have you been fair to your colleagues and employer - are you doing the job because you have to - and not that you want to anymore.
Remember - you mean a lot to people who truly love you. Your well being is most important because it is a vital function of what you can do for them and those you love too. Having a well paying job means you can provide materially but not having a happy you pains them even more.
Stay happy !
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